life lessons, continued

As warned, early yesterday morning our cat was stolen out of our front yard. The man's voice woke me from sleep, and I was groggily irritated that there was someone at the door already, at 6 am, on a Sunday morning. I listened for the familiar "Knock, Knock!", a phrase that everyone calls at the door whenever they want something, and whenever it didn't come, I rolled over and went back to sleep. It didn't take us long after we got going for the day to realize what had happened.

In a country where there are no "pets", where a cat is the same as a bag of rice or a bunch of bananas, and where everyone recognizes that Matt and Stacey ALREADY have plenty of food, and don't NEED a cat...we should have been quite prepared for this.

And yet, I find myself devastated and deeply discouraged. In part, devastated because we are "pet people", and Bundy was a joy-giving and constant part of our lives (and let's face it, someone ATE him...not a pretty picture for your fuzzy companion). Like any pet owner whose animal just died, I'm sad and miss my friend, ornery as he was. But I also find myself battling with discouragement. It is always unsettling to have someone steal from you. It is unsettling to have someone steal from your front porch while you are home, someone that you probably know and work and live with.

But more, our "cat theft" yesterday has me battling with bigger issues: How much can we give that will ever be enough? How much money, how much food, how much time and sacrifice, prayer and patience would we have to give to satisfy? How many hand-outs would we have to make in order to NOT have things taken? How "at home" can we ever be this side of heaven?



It is not a coincidence that two friends from college sent us an article from WGM (World Gospel Mission) yesterday morning that speaks about this intimately.

It was entitled "The Porous of the Poor" by a missionary, Michael Johnson, in Kenya, who manages to voice so much of what life just IS here that we have been unable to put into description.

"I have found it almost impossible to befriend the common man here in Kenya without being the mark." he writes. "I am marked because no matter HOW I look at it, I live the life of a multimillionaire compared with 90 percent of the Kenyan population. I don't have to worry about water, food, clothes, electricity, transport, health care or even entertainment. I have two dogs that ingest greater than twice the caloric intake of the average child and never have to work for it. I hire guards to keep watch at night over my accumulation of "stuff." They lose sleep and could potentially lose their lives just so I can have the luxury of the Internet and a variety of pizza toppings.

So, why do I complain when I am confronted in the market? Why don't I just give as everyone asks of me? Why don't I just give ungrudgingly, without expecting anything in return? Why don't I just give generously and gregariously?

The reason is that I don't really know how to give. After 18 years of service in missions, I still struggle with giving. How do I help the "Porous of the Poor?" I coined this phrase to mean that no matter HOW MUCH I give, it seems to never fill the gap. My own cup of material wealth is literally overflowing. I have more than enough and yet, the more I give, it seems the more they want, need, and have now come to expect. The vessel into which I pour my overflow seems to be full of holes, truly porous. It never fills up!

I know I will always be a mark. I can never know who is a friend, a foe or a fan. In fact, the true distinction is made only when I am welcomed into a home and generosity is extended toward me and nothing is asked in return. Because this is SO infrequent, I have become paranoid about making even casual comments regarding what I do or my education.

I make my best attempt to hide amongst the poor so that I can learn of their true desires without the guise of being the 'learned and enriched' one. It is a feeble attempt, to say the least, because no matter HOW I try to identify, I can ALWAYS leave...

Just HOW do we satisfy the longings and meet the needs of the porous of the poor?

Jesus had this very same problem. I think He may have invented it. He recognized that the 'porous' you will have with you always. He knew for certain that people in the marketplace would chase Him down and seek Him out, no matter how He tried to blend with the crowd. He was well known to have everything they needed or could desire...Yet He decided to come in the guise of the common man.

That is where I must start to meet the needs of the porous of the poor. Giving starts with giving ourselves. We must allow ourselves to be marked. We must allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Knowing how to say no and do so because I don't want to feed inot the cycle of dependency and patriarchal, feudalist, neo-colonialism is a very fine balance; yet to show true compassion is also a delicate balancing act. I don't know the answer.

I do know that we must allow ourselves to be amongst the porous of the poor. We do so because ultimately we are amongst the porous of the poor. God recognizes our poverty of spirit, and He calls us to sit face-to-face with those who know poverty in a way we will never know it. When we submit to this call, we may begin to understand how to fill the longings and true needs of the porous of the poor."


It is becoming clear that perhaps this whole "cat-catastrophe" is just another way that the Lord is clearly taking care of us...Taking care of us by continuing to work with us, continuing to mold us, continuing to teach us, continuing to take our complicated questions and disappointment and frequent heartbreaks and use them to bring us closer to Himself.

We can be hurt and wary and angry as such hardships take place, or we can continue to GIVE ourselves. Continue to allow ourselves to be marked. Continue to allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

Of course, my devotional time the last two days has followed suite as I continue to work through Acts, following Paul on his various missions trips. Yesterday, he was stoned, beaten, and run out of various towns. "Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God" he shared to encourage the believers to continue in the faith. Then today, as he departs from his dear friends for a missionary journey that has been promised to end in his own death, he finishes his farewell with "Remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He Himself said, 'it is more blessed to give than to receive.'"

Soon after, when his upcoming suffering is again predicted, he proclaims, "I am ready not only to be bound, but even to die at Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus."

Yes, we have come to Haiti, and we miss our families, and it is HOT, the work is difficult, the poor around us will always be, there is no ice cream, and yesterday, we even lost our cat.

But if the Lord can continue to teach us to GIVE and to be vulnerable, and if we can continue to allow HIM to direct our lives, our actions, our choices and even our emotions, could He not do amazing things for the Kingdom through us? Could He not use these tribulations, so minor compared to those of Paul, or even to those of many missionaries around the world, to "open their eyes so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the dominion of Satan to the dominion of God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and an inheritance among those who have been sanctified by faith in Me" ? (Acts 26:18)

Please continue to be in prayer with us...Not that life would become easier, that nothing would ever be taken, that we would have all the answers or that these disappointments would be our last. Pray with us, instead, that we might cling to and desire only Christ...that we would happily give all that we have, all that we are, all that we desire, and all that we hope for for THAT which is greater: making Him known.

Ah, we still have so much to learn! Continue to rely on the grace of God...