Lessons of a Pastor's Wife

Alright, somehow we are heading into all the anniversaries of THREE YEARS of Wellspring Church plant...of Matt becoming a full-time pastor, of the beginning of a very new season for our family...of being a pastor's wife!

I was always "Ma Pas" in Haiti, the madame of the pastor...but having your husband lead a Bible school in Haiti, and then lead a seminary stateside is very different than having him shepherd the church! 

What was always teaching has becoming doing. What was always equipping the goers has become being the goers too! What was teaching the pastors in the classroom has becoming walking alongside family around the deathbed, answering the hard questions of the suffering, praying with the frightened, preaching the steady living Gospel on stages and in prisons and in homes and in tears and with sacrifice. 

I'm still learning a million things, but if I had to boil three years down to three things I've learned, here they are. 

Whatever kind of week, day, or life you've had, go to church anyway. 

Go to Bible study. Go to small group. Take your kids. Go with your friend.

Go wrinkled. Go late. Go a MESS. Go in jeans. Go every time. 

The steady, faithful dripping of His perfect Word and His imperfect people actually, truly, daily, deeply TRANSFORMS US. 

If we want to "do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind" this is how. This is how. 

Bring your mama's best casseroles on the good days. Bring your tissue box on the bad. Bring your smile when you have it and your junk when it's heavy. Come when you feel like it and come harder when you don't. Be honest. Be real. Be faithful. Be there. 

There isn't much we can do in life to change our circumstances or wounds or the things we are going through...but what we CAN DO--show up where His Word is being taught and where His trying-to-be-faithfulpeople are gathering--can change everything. It laces everything with grace. It filters everything with His perspective. It breaks the cycles and lies in ways we cannot on our own. 

Imma be there. Sometimes at His throne and sometimes at His hem and sometimes begging scraps under His table. And you're gonna see me good, bad and ugly. But you're gonna see me.

Maybe the sheep have teeth. Not my concern.

About two years in, a long-time pastor's wife stopped me in the Kroger parking lot. After catching up on life, she asked about our church and how it was going. I told her with a smile that while there had been lots of challenges, the spirit of the church is so incredibly sweet and loving and we are blessed to be a part of them. 

She blinked at me unconvincingly. Like I was lying to her.

"Truly," I said, "It has quickly become our precious family! It's a special place!"  

After a long pause, she warmly said, "Clearly you haven't been there long enough to see that the sheep have teeth.  You'll learn." 

How silly and naive I felt walking away from that conversation. Clearly I was wrong, and just didn't know any better. 

Over the next few weeks I noticed seeds of doubt had been planted in my mind and heart. Were the people speaking kindly to my face complaining about me behind my back? Did the church we love only pretend to love us too? Did I think things were going well but everyone else was complaining?

I started to feel defensive of Matt. Defensive for my children. Should I be so freely sharing our lives and hearts with biting sheep? Why am I so transparent? When I started looking for the "teeth", the joy of pouring out our lives alongside the church quickly soured.

One Sunday morning it was bothering me so much that I begging the Lord to let me in on the wisdom. "Show me the teeth so I know who and what to look out for! I don't want to be naive! I've gotta look out for my family!"

Stop. He said. 

He always does that to me when I least expect it. Cuts me off from my frantic rant with a word that cuts to the heart. 

Stop. You're looking for teeth when you should be looking for me. Look at me. Serve for me. Love for me. I've got you. Stop.

And as quickly as the doubt was planted and all the roots it was already forming...it was pulled. And as foolish as I felt in that parking lot for being wrong, this time I felt relieved and full of joy.  His voice and truth do that.

Maybe the sheep DO have teeth! Maybe they're sweet and sincere. Maybe they're gossiping. Maybe they're praising. Maybe they adore us, and maybe they're looking to get us out.

Lord's got that. He's got them. He's got me. And I'm not looking for teeth or pouring out our lives from a place of paranoia or bitterness. 

I'm looking for Him. And He's good.

Not cause I'm the pastor's wife. Not cause they're the pastor's kids.

The pressure to dress, behave, perform, speak, and act like the "pastor's family should" can be overwhelming at times. I'm sure we're not living up. I'm sure we let people down. 

But the Lord stopped my tongue right at the start from ever adding, "because you're the pastor's kid" to ANY directive. (Being a missionary first helped me with this! NOT cause we're missionaries! Because we're Christ-followers!) He helped me from the beginning not to worry about the pastor's wife mold or to nag Matt into some pastor mold.

We're working the JESUS mold. I wanna look like Him. 

I want my kids conformed to Him, to focus on looking like HIS kids. Not to look and sound like good pastor's kids. I don't want them doing ONE thing to please a church culture. I want our aim to be pleasing the One who enlisted us.

The kids and I serve at the church and are there every chance we get because we are committed to the church, His bride, and serving her. 

Matt's got a church in the prison because Jesus told us to remember the prisoners. 

I pray with people because we are called to engage in intercessory prayer for the people and causes on God's heart. 

We tell people about Jesus because we are called to share the Gospel of Jesus with all those He puts in our path. 

We are careful what we eat and wear and watch and how we speak and spend our time and money because we are called to lead holy, righteous lives that exemplify the nature and character of God.

If I can't blame it on Jesus, I'm not blaming it on anyone. If we aren't doing it for Jesus, I'm wasting my time doing it for the approval of man.

So basically? I'm learning the same thing pastor's-wifing as I'm EVER learning :) Missionary, president's wife, pastor's wife, in good and bad...The freedom of trusting Him. The simplicity of trusting in Him.

I can trust Him enough to RUN to Him and His people, every single time. I can trust Him enough to bring Him my messes instead of working it out on my own. I can trust Him enough with His people. I can trust Him with the wolves and the sheep and the birds and the flowers. And I can trust Him enough to spend my days showing others what He has shown me! 

What's He teaching YOU?