making space

Matt and I are getting away overnight for the first time since. I. was. pregnant. 

With Nora.

Nora is eight. 

It is embarrassing that that is how long ONE NIGHT away together has taken to prioritize, and also that I have grown so accustomed to keeping it all together with everyone that I have allowed it to become impossible. 

Dad and Cindy kept Lily and Sofie overnight when I was 8 months pregnant so we could go to Amish Country in Ohio, and it was so good and sweet and restful that I remember. 

Then we added five more kids and were and then moved far from family and it's not often someone has both said, "When was the last time you and Matt got away for a few days?" and ALSO, "I'd love to hang with the kids so you could!"

 I would have never let any of our friends get away with this, and I'm trying to be more of my friend lately.

Praising the Lord for HANNAH, who DID ask and DID ask to come and who is giving up 24 hours of her hard earned Spring Break, and whom the kids will adore spending time with so much while Matt and I drive two hours to Oxford Mississippi, a town we've always wanted to explore (and honestly, doesn't matter where.)

We leave this afternoon and come back tomorrow afternoon for a funeral with dear ones, but I am trying to wrap my mind around NOT planning my evening around what's best for the kiddos, and going to bed, and eating, and sleeping where and when we want to, and around 24 uninterrupted hours with Matt!

It comes at good time. I spent the afternoon yesterday with our bonus girls in the juvenile court, and there has been little that discourages and wearies me like these afternoons. Yesterday was no exception, the girls quickly being taken out and put in the "kids room" (where they have spent so much time over the years it has truly become a traumatic place) and an hour of heated arguing while I mostly stared into the carpet. 

Did you know 1 in 10 kiddos in Mississippi are in the foster care system? 76% of the 600,000 kids in the US in state custody because of neglect? As I walk our neighborhood each afternoon with a gaggle of kiddos, I can't help but pray that every 10th house will open their lives to a kiddo who needs them.

The mama in me screams internally every time we head into that dirty, dark and depressing juvenile court building, and I can hardly keep up with all the prayers I'm streaming while so many worlds are coming down around me. As always, what we learned yesterday is that it is possible the girls' situation will change, and also that the girls' situation will not change, and all the doubt, pain and questions that come with these always heated and confused conversations follows you home. 

I have very little voice, foster mama, understandably. But it is hard to sit and hear children's lives discussed and watch the best and the good often discarded and long-forgotten in long legal discussions and lots of variants and versions of truth.

If you're looking for something life-giving and fun, I would strongly not recommend foster care. It's probably the hardest thing we have ever done...not loving on the kiddos, but holding them loosely and having very little ability to protect them and help them thrive when not under our roof, trusting the Lord with them when decisions for their lives are being made after having already lived through so much.

But man alive are you needed. If your family has a little space in your hearts and family clearly formed by the Lord, there are so many foster families who need a little support, so many foster kiddos who need just that little space. There are so many kiddos in that "kids room" who need someone to sit in the middle of the argument and interject on their behalf, to take them home after and let them eat ice cream and wash off the day and assure them that no matter what happens, there will be a place in your heart and your family and your home, always, for them, because Jesus...the only thing that remains after good intentions and best efforts and biggest hopes crumble.

So thankful for Hannah giving Matt and I a little space to realign and rest!