together

It's our first family vacation ever without Dad. 

Part of us wanted to never DO family vacation again, simply so he would never miss it and so we wouldn't know vacation without him. It was always his idea. His plan. Him bringing us all together.

But it felt like together being done wouldn't honor him the way we do.

We brought ourselves together, then, North Carolina...9 hours for Lisa and 9 hours for Cindy and 9 hours for us, one big house with a hot tub, like always.

We're learning all the vacation-y things. Emma loves sour cream and onion chips. Eleven cousins and five adults requires reservations...always. Which half will search for the last Easter egg to the death, and which half quit after egg three when they realize Lisa's not kidding about being a champion hider. Which half will swim no matter how cold and which half won't be bothered. Two of the girls have never seen a mountain, or a waterfall, so we're determined to find both. Every single kid likes Bluey on these rainy, cold days. Uncle Adam will play games with the big girls forever. Sofie and Evie love chess. Nobody will sleep in their own beds. Which half will sleep 'till 11 and which half are up at 6, stomping and giggling. North Carolina is beautiful, and far, and a house for 16 is loud and happy and a little crazy. 

And mostly, we're learning Dad's not here. You can't help but wait for him to come around every corner. 

Wait for him to yell, "Close the door!" and "Dry off before you come in!" Wait for him to sit down and snuggle the littles. Wait for him to ask about all the things, finding a moment with each kiddo to ask about school and sports and friends...to ask Matt about work and family, ask me about school and Haiti and church. Wait for him to search the menu and order someone's favorite appetizer or two. Wait for him to get up early with the early risers. 

I know he's not missing us. But the way he looked at Emma in January when he knew it was the last time he was seeing the last grandbaby means that we sure are missing him.

All of us. Together.