cross shaped

After days of confusion and planning and ticket-shopping, we learned that Dad's staph infection is serious to the level of no visitors, no being around others, no going to see him. We got home safely from Arkansas with our crew after a good few days away, got to church for Matt to preach Sunday morning, and today our Lily girl turned 14. Her best friend from Haiti is here for the week while her dad takes residential classes at Wesley, and 8 of her dear friends came for dinner and cake and a movie and a spa sleepover...they are still going strong.

Sofie is out of nowhere tonight burning up with fever (my new year goal of no.more.sickness. is launching beautifully) and Dad is home from the hospital on strong IV antibiotics for at least three weeks and home health nurses coming.  While he's battling staph and on antibiotics, no cancer treatments. This afternoon Dad texted nonetheless to tell me grandma had a stroke and is in a coma in Pennsylvania.

My dear friend Elisa got me started on a word or two for the year many years ago, and the last several years instead of deciding what I'd like to focus on the coming year, I just pray.  Pray the Lord will lead me to an idea or word, and I wait for it. I've been waiting from the pit this year, creeping into 2023 with apprehension and fatigue and not having the wisdom or energy to put a word out there for myself. 

Sunday morning we started a new series, Cruciform, and as Matt described the meaning, a spotlight came on. All trimmed down, it means "cross-shaped"....to live a life shaped by the cross of Jesus...to walk around heart exposed and arms outstretched, humble, empty handed, sacrificial, beat up, obedient, faithful.  I would have preferred "hope" or "beauty" or "grace" or some such thing this year to hold on to, but it's going to just be the cross to hold onto. I want to look like Him and His purposes, come what may. 

If struggles produce endurance

and endurance character, 

if character produces hope, 

and hope does not put us to shame, 

then I guess I'm there and I will hold onto many answered prayers in Lily having good friends...sweet moments caring for my teary Sofie girl who never stops...a cup of coffee with another mom tonight come to pick up her girlie...a baby whose smile lights up the day...a Grandma who knows and loves Jesus....a husband who takes 9 teenagers out for Mexican...a church so set on being His church...people who aren't family who called Lily today like they were...70 degree days...daughters who notice neighbors who need help and run across the street to do so...90 year old Lady Jane, bringing Lily a gift and making sure to tell me she loves me...all of you praying family.