the only thing I can't afford to miss out on

One day, I'm gonna host all the things again. I'm going to have a quiet, peaceful house and have the coffees, bake the cheesecakes again, meet with young women...meet with friends...host Bible studies, all the things. 

Sometimes I just long for that clean and quiet house, and He reminds me it can still be the safe and happy and kind house, and it is.  I can't host much...but I'm always hosting a multitude of children. And I can't put on the dinners I wish I could, but every single Sunday night, Lady Jane and Mr. Henry and Gaga and our newest addition to Family Dinner, Ethan, are crowded around my table, and I feed 6 adults and 6 kids beef stew or chicken pie or lasagna, and it's not perfect, dust in the corners and a sock under the table. But it's good enough...and Gaga's amazing dessert and decaf coffee and rich conversation make it so sweet.

Mr. Henry has been or knows of every place on earth, any person from the news, any event throughout history.  Lady Jane has a word of godly wisdom for every one of life's troubles and only shares it with encouragement. Gaga, as Beth's grandchildren and my kiddos call her, listens and laughs and brings so much grace with her apple cake, and Ethan stays late and plays cards and board games with the kids 'till bedtime and they wait all week for it. 

I wish sometimes I didn't take such a big village...but I sure am thankful for it. 

Wish my house was clean, for a second, but so grateful for the people who smudge it and for a house TO tidy up again and again. 

I wish, sometimes desperately, for silence, but I'm so rich in giggles and sweet voices. 

I wish sometimes the food stretched further and the recipes didn't all have to be doubled and tripled, but OH the precious ones to feed and thank you Jesus, for food enough and then some in the pantry. 

I wish Matt wasn't at work so much, didn't have so many extra places every week to preach and teach, but I wouldn't change for a second the places God has taken him with the Gospel, nor the lives touched, nor the challenging and rewarding job that provides for the nine of us.  

Sometimes I wish for myself a job that paid more, or that cost less...yet I am so thankful for the richness of teaching and discipling these children. 

 Every day, I wish to be home with our brothers and sisters in Haiti, working for the Gospel there...especially right now to suffer alongside. I miss them and much, and feel so far away, and miss the unique and valuable experiences for my children, miss so many sweet families and students and staff.  I am thankful that He is there, full and able, and that He is here, too, lacking nothing.

So I guess I'll take my table and fill it with loud children and feed them pumpkin pancakes and wipe it down again. I'll wash another dish and pray through my list, a bowl with prayers for Gertha, a plate with prayers for dad. I'll fold another set of pants and try to do it unto Him, I'll feed the baby once again and be grateful for little fingers that will one day soon join her brother and sisters in wreaking havoc and fun. I'll pray these prayers I feel like I've prayed a thousand times and then some...for salvation, for healing, for court cases, for Haiti, for YOU...because I cannot have white couches. Or fancy dinners. Or clean hair. Or a free day. Or 8 hours sleep. Or a night on the town. Or the Haiti breeze. Or a clean shirt. Or an uninterrupted conversation. Or a full cup of coffee still hot.

But nothing in the world can take away my ability to be in constant conversation and communion with the Almighty God, Lord of Heaven's Armies, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, Creator and Friend....and THAT is the only thing I can't afford to miss out on.