at work

This time last week I was feeling sick to my heart and stomach...9 kiddos in their beds, and one gasping baby in my arms. Matt in Jersey. A huge invite Sunday at church tomorrow. A baby fighting to breathe as I tried to tell myself maybe it wasn't so bad. 

I sat her at my desk and held her, rocked her, spoke to Matt on the phone, prayed. Fought panic.

A friend who routinely is sound asleep by 9 pm texted out of the blue...the Lord had had us on her heart all day, she was praying, were we ok?

As I look back to last Saturday night, through all the chaotic times in life, the heartbreaking days, the challenging seasons, I see now that He has always found and made ways to show me that HE SEES. 

That He is aware and at work and behind the scenes and making a way, already.  

I was totally overwhelmed, exhausted, alone, and didn't know WHAT to do, and He send me the right person at the right time : DO THIS.

Yes, it was still an awfully hard few days in a season that's been quite hard in it's own right. But Him being in it makes all the difference.

I'm reminding myself that in all the places I cannot yet see Him at work. 

I'm reminding myself that with Haiti...in a deepening, despairing, seemingly hopeless nightmare of a place. I'm reminding myself that with Dad as he heads into a new round of scans and decisions and plans. I'm reminding myself that with this foster care journey, and so many unknowns and so many important things totally out of my control.

He's at work where I'm just not seeing a solution, where I'm just not seeing the light at the end, where I'm just not seeing a way. 

While I fight my battles and then sleep, neglecting it all and achieving nothing but rest...He does not. He is ALWAYS working, always on the insides of things I cannot imagine or maneuver, always at work in ways and places that I can't touch.

I thought I was so lost last week in that heavy moment, and in several that followed at the hospital, but I wasn't, because He was just right there, My Helper. 

He still is...trusting Him with you for all the places you're reminding yourself He's at work in, too.