afloat

 I woke up in a panic middle of the night last night in a panic...Yesterday was Sharon's last day with us, and I haven't had this baby. Which means my hopes of her being her to love on the kids well...to help me those first days...to be here while I was in the hospital...were not going to happen.

How am I going to do all of this with six kiddos?  Those first hard and painful days? Those first weary, exhausting months? How am I going to do it at my age? with my load? without help?

So I got up yesterday, 4 am and all, working through tears, insufficiencies, worries and pain...doing all I know to do about all these problems. 

Stop. Be still. Sit in my chair. Trump my mind with His Word. Sit in His reflections instead of wallowing in my own.

He reminded me I am not nor ever have been without help.

He used O. Chambers to remind me today to put everything in my life afloat upon God. 

And it's exactly what this season feels like.  Not grounding everything in Him...I don't have any enough power, control or ability to plan for that...but putting everything AFLOAT on Him.

My hopes. My plans. This baby. These bonus kiddos (whose big court case is exactly one day after my due date). Who is going to help me. How we are going to do it. 

Putting them all afloat on Him...not in safe harbor, not calm and still, not obvious and pre-planned...but bobbing on Him, the one who controls the storm, the one who walks on water, the one who formed Emma, the one who loves His children BETTER, the one who can be trusted with something so fragile as floating.

Chambers reminded that when we know we should do something and DO it...He reveals more...He gives more...He takes us another step.

So I don't know much about these next days.  All my plans are adrift.

But I know obedience today looks like refusing to panic. Refusing to worry. Refusing to turn inwards. Loving those around me well. Trusting them with Him. And with His help, putting everything in my life today - kids, concerns, plans and gaps - afloat upon God.

I know some of your are steadily, consistently, powerfully praying for me. I FEEL those ropes.  Thank you.