This has been such a stretching season, November to now.
Desperate for good sleep last night (this third trimester plus having six kids in the house has left me so weary!) I was almost overcome with despair when Ben woke us up at 11 pm crying about his ear...I finally ended up in bed with him as he woke up again and again in pain...me wondering if he has an ear-ache or what in the world was going on, but all the while feeling this desperate, "I cannot not sleep tonight. I cannot do this tonight. I am not going to make it. I can't do this. Lord."
He was so miserable that we both had a long, interrupted night, and when I woke this morning to get two girls in uniform and off to school, I just wanted to cry and be done and pour coffee in my eyes.
And yet.
Somehow, the Lord totally filled today with desperate needed grace and beauty.
Ben woke up happy, pain-free, and was happy the entire day. The girls, for some reason, worked extra hard at their schoolwork, and we had fun working together. A friend brought us pizza last night, and that took care of lunch today. I asked Sofie and Nora to clean all of their endless socks and stuffed animals out of the van, and I was in total shock when instead they blasted music, opened the garage doors, and spent almost 2 hours cleaning, vacuuming out the van, washing all the windows, cleaning everything out, and even running the carseat covers through the wash. I mean...you have met children. They do not, ever, go spontaneous above and beyond on chores, ever ever. When I picked up our bonus girls at school, they asked if I got a different car. A friend texted and said she'd come sit with the littles while I did the school run, and then brought some groceries with her, and everything I needed for easy dinner and easy clean up while all six played baseball in the dying light with Matt. Tonight I braided heads of hair beginning to trust, beginning to ask for help, beginning to let me in, and reading to all the girlies even as my head was bobbing was sacred, as bedtime reading, prayers and conversations always, always is.
I don't know how it all came together that the day ended with me feeling very full and blessed instead of feeling the empty and overwhelmed that I should have been feeling, but that the Lord was at work, and was what I needed, and continues to be.
As we pour, and pour pour, and pour more than I thought we could pour, He is pouring in, and I need that more than sleep, more than rest, more than "self care" or me-time, certain conditions or guaranteed outcomes. Living out there on faith in Him being and bringing what we need...it's the only place to live.
Love you and grateful to be searching and finding grace, with you.
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