Keep.

Dear "Stars" was finally butchered Monday, which was obviously quite devastating to our girls.  

We have determined that raising missionary kids having not been missionary kids ourselves is something like city-folk adopting farm kids.  They love the cow.  They love the beef.  And they love the process.

I, from a very distant place, love that they are happy.  And that they eat my meat for me.

Yesterday started as a mountain and ended a gift.

I felt so overwhelmed by the day at 6 am Wednesday morning that I was literally battling with my mind and emotions to give them over to Him.  

I had a test to print, a class to teach, the ever-daunting chapel service to preach, dinner to make, a friend to receive and room to make up (from North-West Haiti very much so in need of some R&R), and 20 people coming to our house at 3:30 for Bible study.  Two sick girls.  A bad head cold.  

The mountain felt insurmountable.

But, days of preparing for speaking in chapel (Topic: Keep Yourselves in the Love of God from Jude vs. 20-21) had me battling freak-out.  

Conviction will do that to you.

As I studied through this passage and put together practical ways to "build yourselves up on your faith, always be in prayer through the Holy Spirit, and keep yourselves in the love of God", I realized how frequently I am controlled NOT by the love of God, but by my experiences and emotions.

Despite the fullness I have found in my Savior, and the many ways I have learned to trust Him, it is still frequently my experiences that control me.  My emotions that dictate.

So yesterday, I really tried.  "Keep yourself" suggests WORK, and work I did, trying to use the day to grow in Him, build on my faith, pray through the Holy Spirit and KEEP myself in His love instead of letting the day use me.

As I fell into bed last night, I realized that while my external day might have seemed to be lived much the same, my internal day (the part God sees not as man sees) was far greater to His glory.

O. Chambers suggests that if we can keep ourselves in His love throughout our days, walking intentionally close to Him, we will begin to see everything that happens to us (praise, reward, persecution, tragedy) as if it were happening to HIM.  

"Paul said that he was gripped by the love of God and that is why he acted as he did.  People could perceive him as mad or sane...he did not care.  There was only one thing he lived for -- to persuade people of the coming judgment of God and to tell them of the love of Christ.  This total surrender to the "love of Christ" is the only thing that will bear fruit in your life.

And it will always leave the mark of God's holiness and His power."

As I walked intentionally in His love yesterday, every obstacle began to feel more like grace, for He was in it with me, and was able to be glorified through each weakness in myself.

He brought joy to my English 4 class when physically I was quite sure I couldn't do it simply because I actually ASKED Him and invited Him to.  Incessantly. 

He stood with me during chapel and spoke through as I needed and desired Him too.  Very much so in my weakness and as I rested in His love. When Emily, who is homeschooling teens and quite sick herself, ducked into the back -- simply because she knew her support would bless me, I felt HIM blessed by her, which blessed me indeed! 

When I got home, and realized that having our friend from Northwest Haiti Christian Mission join us meant God could use our family, our yard, our house, our water, our craziness, even, to bless and restore her soul...I grew excited in Him.  Keep in His love.

When we all got lunch in the crock-pot and the girls to bed, and realized I should be baking for prayer meeting, God let me LET ME open a bag of M&M's Uncle Don brought instead.  This typically would have caused me great guilt.  But I challenged the offering against HIS standard, instead of my sometimes crazy Martha Steward Stacey standard, and the cheery bag was beautiful.  Enough.  

I set up for prayer meeting and looked around for what to charge at next with the free 30 minutes due to non-baking, and instead of attacking what chores seemed obvious, asked HIM what to do with my fleeting time.  "Build yourself up on your faith, pray in the Holy Spirit and Keep in my Love" came to mind immediately, so I did the UN-thinkable.  

I sat down.  

IN the middle of the day, nonetheless!  And did just that: Building, Praying, Keeping.

By 8 pm, I was quite surprised by the Joy of Keeping in Him.

And by the time the Weavers popped over just to be community, I was quite content to sit with them and with Matt and with Autumn and simply laugh, and talk, joke and tell stories, share and listen. 

Without doing anything else.  Not while mopping/chopping/grading/emailing/stressing.

Suddenly the mountain day was over, and it had turned out to be far more about the Rock Stronger Than I Am than about the tasks it had carried.  

So, here's the challenge.  (not saying you asked for one :)

Whatever that thing is that has drawn up a bit of distance between you and Our Father,

acknowledge it, scowl, and heartily surrender it today.  

That fullness of oceans DEEP that you once knew in our Father, 

come to know again.

Stop looking out to the colorless desserts to bring fullness.  Stop looking to our own hearts.  Stop looking to the days events.  Stop looking to the people around.  

The days that cannot be labeled "built on my faith", that can't be counted as having grown in Him, let's discontinue.  More of Him each day.  

It's WORK.  And just like ANY other work, it doesn't happen without WORK.  We can't keep a spouse we don't work to, we can't keep a shape we don't strive for, we can't keep a job we don't show up for, we can't learn a skill we don't study.  

Build, pray, keep...and see what He's been trying to show us.

More of Him.

Jude

²⁰ But you, beloved,building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, ²¹ keep yourselves in the love of God,waiting anxiously for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to eternal life....

²⁴ Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy, ²⁵ to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and ^[t]forever. Amen.