this good gift.

On Friday mornings, the kids and I always go to Lady Jane's house. The kids play with toys she's collected over the years, she and I have coffee, and we catch up on her week and kids and grandkids and great grandkids. But I've been wanting to go visit another older friend from our church, and today I picked up Lady Jane (and her toys), and we headed to Ms. Faye's house instead.

After checking with one another that they had their hearing aids IN and both took their coffee black, Ms. Faye and Ms. Lady Jane took off. The kids whispered their games so our friends could hear one another, and I had the highlight of my week.  They were born a year apart...1933 and 1934.  They were married a year apart, at 18 and 19 years old. Their beloved husbands died one year apart, 67 and 68 years of marriage. 

These two women are ALWAYS sweet and always pleasant women in my life, but seeing them speak the same language and understand each other's lives like they did was just RICH. Ben and Nora listened as they told stories of their simple wedding days, of seasons in their lives when their husbands made $1 an hour or were called off to war, of seasons of incredible hardship that they persevered through. They listened with me as these dear women spoke of the deaths of their husbands, and fears that they would never smile again...which seemed quite impossible for me to image as their joy has been such a testimony to me all our friendships long. 

They talked about change without complaining, talking about shifts in church music without being bitter, talked about children and dreams and Jesus. Ms. Faye said that every time she can't get a jar open, can't reach something on the top shelf, or can't get something to work, she walks out to her front walk and stands there until one her neighbors walks by or drives by (Ms. Faye is almost completely blind.) "Then I tell them what I need and never ONCE has one of my needs been unmet by the Good Lord."

I felt, sitting on the couch and listening to the two of them share and delight in their new found friendship, like I would never want to complain again. What faithfulness they have lived through and exemplified, and what a testimony to be in pain and alone and almost deaf and almost blind and have almost all your friends and family gone ahead...and to point to His goodness again and again. I am very rich to have such women in my life, and bringing them together today with my littles was the best part of my month.  

Make time for the richest things.  I LOVE bringing people together! 

Sofie and Lily have been at Motion conference this week in Birmingham with 16,000 YOUTH...and I'm praying that the Lord is using it to draw them deeper and more abandoned to Him.

Things at church have truly been picking up...both with lots of new people and wanting to love them well, and also with lots of surgeries and illnesses and prayer needs. I LOVE being a pastor's wife. In many ways, I have been for a very long time. The staff and students at Emmaus in Haiti used to be our people-sheep...and I loved that. I had to work hard to find people when Matt was at WBS, but loved the precious church friends and neighbors the Lord brought. 

But having a congregation of clear calling...these are the people to pour out for, to come alongside, to love well and to point to Jesus...that is a sweet gift. 

There are hard parts every pastor's wife understands that I didn't as much at Emmaus. When someone is unkind...when someone is disgruntled...when anything and everything can be easily put on the pastor...when spiritual warfare is heavy...when one of the people you are living to die for hurts your husband greatly and you alone see all the behind the scenes...man. I have had to face my own convictions  again and again.  Am I going to TRULY forgive? Am I going to TRULY love? Am I going to carry this cross, though it bleeds me? Am I going to love HIS way, HIS people?  Actually living that OUT has been one of the hardest works of my life, and the most growing.

But getting to cook for and come alongside the hurting, darkest nights? What a sacred privilege. Getting to point to Jesus, what a GIFT full-time job. Getting to walk with people in the babies and the surgeries and the praying and the pains...getting to pray with people in the stuck places, in the quiet places, in the excruciating places...oh man. Getting to stand in the gap alongside brothers and sisters? These have been my favorite narrow paths.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to the Lord on a porch swing at the end of a really sweet week about some "I wish that..." and "I should have..." and "It would have been better ifs".  

I was talking to Him, but not really paying attention to Him (ever been there?)...venting to Him but not really listening. 

Sweet and firm, He absolutely interrupted me in the beginning of my rant. I sensed His interruption so clearly my foot dropped to the floor stopping the swing. 

Just Thank Me for this Good Gift.

My "coulda, shoulda, wouldas" stopped. Yes, Sir.

Thank you for this Good Gift. 

And the more I repeated it, the more His suggested prayer reshaped my whole perspective of the week.

This WAS a Good Gift. The Lord gave this to me. 

He loves me and gives me good gifts. 

It does not have to be perfect, in my definition, to BE a good gift. 

The more I thanked Him for His Good Gift of that week and those relationships and those challenges...the more thankful I was. And the more I saw the truth.

Hearing my sweet 90+ year old friends echoing that prayer today reminded me that it wasn't just His suggested prayer : it's how He wants me to LIVE. 

They are alone and grieved and their bodies are so frail. And they daily live thanksgiving over His good gifts, and see the hardships and the heartbreaks and the joys of their lives as GOOD Gifts from the Lord. 

Being a pastor's wife with many kids in Jackson, Mississippi would not have been my plan at 40. And the more I just thank Him for this good gift...the more it IS.

Whatever you're walking through today...trust Him enough to thank Him for this good gift....it might just begin to genuinely change how you see. (And go have coffee with a friend who is NOTHING like you!)

prayer

I've read it before, but our Sunday school class is doing Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline, and it is SO good and rich and to the point. His chapter on prayer has absolutely changed how I pray, especially in regard to the value of praying with our imaginations.  

We've been praying heavily for a dear friend whose cancer battle has been long and discouraging and HARD. We've been praying for her for a long time, and this week as she faced more tests and surgeries and chemo, I found myself asking the Lord to give me a fresh wind in praying for her.  Help for my heavy heart. Hope in a helpless situation. I've been asking Him to help me pray NEW.

And then the kids and I were around the table in 2nd Chronicles for breakfast devotions, and the Lord met my prayers in it! 

King Jehoshaphat had a “great multitude” coming against him, and he “was afraid and set his face to seek the Lord,” calling all his people together to fast and to pray urgently, and declared simply and with faith: “LORD, God in heaven and ruler of all, in your hand are power and might. We are totally powerless against this great horde. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are set on YOU.”

The Lord: “do not be afraid. Do not worry about the great horde, the battle isnt yours to fight, but mine. Stand firm. Hold your position, and see the salvation of your God.” 

They did. And when they finally got to the enemy camp, singing praises all along the road there, they found that all of their enemies had destroyed each other…."not one had escaped.” 

And the “Lord gave Jehoshaphat rest all around.” 

What might and new energy this old story gave me again this morning in my prayers...remembering to face the Lord simply and boldly: we're afraid. In you is all power and might. I am powerless. We don't know what to do, but our eyes are ON you. 

How the kids and I prayed this morning next to the King of Judah for this battle our friend has been fighting, that the Lord might do what He has done many times before, and fight for her. 

We stand firm. We hold our position. And I'm watching the salvation of our God.

Foster has been reminding me that prayer is truly getting behind the Lord...His desires becoming ours, His will becoming ours, His perspective becoming ours.  "We are co-creators with God in advancing His kingdom upon the earth." And, "I have found prayer to be the most helpful discipline in freeing us from the monsters of the past because of the inner healing that comes through the hands of those who pray for us." 

What a sacred privilege. 

If your prayer life has been stagnant or felt tired or uncertain, grab Celebration of Discipline and read through the chapter on prayer!

(from our church ribbon cutting today...what a gift from God Wellspring, and His work there, has been!)

Evangelism and Hospitality

https://vimeo.com/1096389908/d0e293fab9?ts=0&share=copy. (The message portion starts around minute 14!)

I am NOT a speaker, but this was what the Lord put on my heart to share last week at OMS, and I wanted to share it with you.  Hospitality and Evangelism...or coming alongside and witness...or preaching the Gospel and making space for people...all of it is what Jesus did again and again! And he had no kitchen and he had no home, so those two things must not be a required or vital part of kingdom hospitality!  I'm grateful for you. 

lessons from OMS

Ah, what a gift the last several days have been at One Mission Society headquarters in Greenwood, Indiana….I feel like the Lord allowed 2 months of learning in 2 days.

I had a wonderful plan for my number ones before I left. After weeks of prep and packing, I took Nora to camp on Monday for the week. I registered Ben with a great neighbor friend for VBS at her church, complete with transportation both ways. I bought Lily a ticket to Indianapolis, and worked it out with her best MK (missionary kid) friend to spend three days with her. I asked Hannah to be on deck with Sofie and Emma, doing a few things Sofie has been dying to do and toting Emma along.

Then I packed my bag, Ben woke up with a 102 fever, we headed to Indiana and the camp called that Nora was throwing up.

We make our best plans. But the Lord has taught me a million times over that all of our planning and preparing is sometimes in vain…and to trust Him anyway.

At OMS, I kept on learning.  A few months ago when Tom asked me if I would preach at OMS chapel on June 25th, I panicked. A room of life-long missionaries, leaders, theologians, pastors, board members and HQ staff is an intimidating crowd! Speaking is NOT my sweet spot nor gifting. 

But He confronted my excuses long ago in Haiti…don’t say you’re ready to preach the Gospel if you’re not willing to do so in ANY way to ANY person at any time. When He gives you an opportunity, you take it. Faithful. Done. Not about us. 

And June 25th is my dad’s birthday. And the Lord has taught me that the best way to grieve and the best way to honor is to GIVE. Sharing with others what God has shared with me is the best way to celebrate dad and to let Him turn pieces of my grieving into His grace. 

He reminded me after speaking that if we are praying and spirit led, He’ll use our witness to speak to the specific, unknown and painful places of others. I don’t even know how that works, but somehow He took my testimonies to speak to incredibly random places in powerful ways, and I love entrusting our words and stretching to Him!

I learned what is going on in many parts of the world…learned how to pray. I learned of hard places of hard hearts and hard soil…I learned of painful stretching of missionaries in war torn countries. I learned of disappointing doors closed and unbelievable doors opened. I learned about oppressive spiritual warfare, incredible church-planters emerging from prison for church-planting heading right back to their planting of churches, of places once radiant for the Gospel now almost completely dead, and of spiritually dead people being given new life in Him.

There were so many encouraging highs and painful lows…and that is the life of the Gospel. It is accepted and transforming to some, and rejected and missed by many. 

My biggest burden was for the need for bold prayers for closed, war-torn and rejecting countries…and for the church.

Men and women rising up, ready to die to self and ready to GO as missionaries is at a low across the Global North, and as I’m asking the question, “how can we get people to GO?” a better question was asked. 

If the church is preaching comfort Christianity, preaching only small and shallow versions and portions of the true Gospel, if the church is preaching preference and feel good and blessing and comfort Gospel, how could we have missionaries ready to pick up their crosses, lay down their daily lives for His sake, leave mothers and fathers and GO? 

If the church is far more country club than conviction, far more ear tickling than heart piercing, if the Gospel is far more watered down and used than studied and ingested and life changing…if the church isn’t preaching the depth and life and truth of the full Gospel, if we’re giving Jesus the stuff we don’t want, and unwilling to give Him the stuff that we like holding on to…how am I thinking it’s going to be churning out a force of beautiful feet to carry the Gospel other places?

As deeply as my heart burns and will always burn to GO and BE that missionary, it’s the first time that I really realized that the failure today isn’t that missionaries aren’t going…it’s that the CHURCH isn’t equipping them to GO by preaching and modeling His TRUTH.  

I’m NOT an overseas missionary right now. But I AM the church in America, and I’m realizing He might just have us there for such a time as this. 

Listen. If you’re ready to GO or ready to SEND or ready to ASK or ready to PRAY for many to come to know Jesus and to be known by Him, I would LOVE to connect you.  One Missionary Society is the RIGHT place with the RIGHT people with His heart for the world, and I’d love to answer any questions or point you to someone who can help.  staceyhaiti@gmail.com

Add in all I learned from time with my friend Stan Key, from chapel and the classroom with my pastor-friend Elijah Friedeman, from the boardroom on missiology from my friend Chris Williams, from the corner table with my brother and sister Jeff and Laura, from evening walks with Uncle Martin and Aunt Sharon…I’ve still got lots to process, and lots to thank the Lord for!

We’ve only got ONE life, friends. Don’t waste it on you and your plan. Don’t waste it storing up your treasures here. Only he who loses his life in Christ will FIND it, and such mighty and miraculous things does He do through one faithful and ready to obey.

VBS lessons

 This weekend (Friday, Saturday, Sunday) was our first ever VBS (for the Ayars and for Wellspring Church!). Despite some new gray hairs and a few late nights, I was reminded of so many precious things by and through these kids and this work.

Our children's pastor volunteer lead has a HUGE heart for kids and a phobia of the microphone. She hates being the one in charge and loves loving the children well. So VBS?  There were a lot of crosses in it for her. She had to take personal time off work to prepare. She had to speak in front of a lot of people. She had to be the one everyone came to when she would have rather been working behind the scenes.  It could seem like that means she was the wrong person...and I know SHE felt that way lots of times. And for a performance, I guess she WOULD be the wrong person.

But discipling our kids isn't supposed to BE a performance. A performance has never truly discipled anyone!

For creating and maintaining a "people over perfection" atmosphere? She was IT. For showing the children that Jesus sees them and loves them and does not see them as an interruption? She was IT. For pointing the kids and volunteers to what HE wanted to do instead of what we all wanted to do? She was it.  

She was it.  So she did it! And carried her crosses (and I'm sure had a few tear sessions and panic attacks :) and looked to Jesus.  It meant that VBS was slower and caring and had space and was intentional and precious. LOTS of people helping when lots of people didn't feel like it was their perfect gifting or idea of a fun time meant that kiddos who are rarely the center of someone's undivided attention WERE. That kids dealing with a lot a issues were given Jesus over just a giant good time. And today there were precious families in church who were not. 

I also saw my kids really stretch, helping in ways and playing roles they didn't really want to at the beginning.  Matt reminded me that the Lord has also given THEM really good gifts, and they are for THEM to use and not bury or use up on themselves. If we recognize that it is in the giving the Lord BACK His gifts are where joy and meaning are found, why do we tell our kids they can simply do what they want and what feels fun to them?  I would have robbed them, and in the end, Sofie using her creativity and endless patience with the preschoolers and Lily acting in the skits and Nora helping the littles with the hand motions just pulled out so many of their God given gifts.  They are pastors kids...and the church IS their ministry too...but they will also not be 18 and have NO idea what the Lord has built into them, or why.     I pray. 

Finally, as we all stretched...I was remembering that if you want results to change, you have to be abandoned.  Willing to work. Ready to do the things. Ready to make room. Ready to add one more. Ready to invite and drive and sing and bake.  If so many of our children are NOT walking with Jesus...if so many of our youth are NOT finding their peace in Him...if so many of our peers are giving Jesus the things they hate but not the things they love or are comfortable with...what are we ready to do differently?

How are we willing to pray? How are we willing to obey? How are we willing to serve? How are we willing to testify? What are we willing to sacrifice. 

John Wesley's charge to preachers under him was always the reminder, "We've got NOTHING to do but save souls."

How distracted I can be from that single-focused work.  

VBS truly reminded me. I'm so thankful!

This week I am off to OMS for missionary board meetings, which means I'm about to get re-ignited over that same work in more ways than VBS!  Lily goes with me, both to hang out with her Haiti bestie Sarah and to finally get to OMS headquarters...this girl has missions on her heart, and if all goes the way I pray for them daily, God's got good gifts for and through these children for the Gospel! 

Also sweet Emma, my baby, turned 3. They called her up on stage to sing her happy birthday at VBS, and as soon as her best little buddies saw her go, they went right on up there with her.  It was the most precious display of friendship and had me in tears. She's a rich 3, and we're rich to have her. We're not gonna say anything else about that. 

20

Tonight was the last night of our church's four day revival, the day some good old friends from Kansas came to see us, and our 20 year anniversary. 

Somehow, friends old and new, a bouncy house, and revival seemed like the perfect way to celebrate. An exhausted toddler resting her sweaty head on my shoulder to Gratitude, a good summary. Catching up with Mr. and Mrs. Ovalhead on our Kansas family and our precious shared Haiti days, priceless. Having Rev. Hal bring the Word strong and true four nights in a row and soaking it up, just powerful. Refreshing. What I needed.

I am so thankful for 20 years with Matt. It has been long years and short ones, good years and hard ones, lots and lots of sweetness and lots and lots of pain.  What there has been in it ALL is His faithfulness, an awful lot of learning, stretching and growing, and Matt and Stacey. Marriage just has to be one of God's most refining gifts. 

Someone two years in asked me tonight what I'd say, and what came to mind was to nag God. Nagging in our relationships--parent to child or husband to wife or friend to friend--it only brings about frustration, friction, bitterness and separation. 

But somehow, nagging God doesn't bother Him one bit, and brings about actual CHANGE.  Someone told me once that for every change I wanted to see in Matt, to nag the Lord about it instead, faithfully, continually...and I've watched over the years as that nagging the Lord has sometimes changed Matt, often changed me, and always brought me to HIM.

Nothing's pointed me to Jesus as much as marriage. Thankful, and for so many of you who have prayed for it, invested in it, and loved us. 

not a service

A still-powerful truth from 2020:

hospitality as an agent of change

When we first told the girls we'd be moving to the States in February, Lily quickly began to talk about her new home as if it were her current one.

"When we move to Mississippi, and our neighbors are all coming over for dinner, we can find out all about them and make them our friends.  Then, when we need some sugar or if they need some help or when their family comes to visit them or when it's someone's birthday, we can all be together and be a big family!"

"Baby?" I finally interrupted the third or fourth time I heard my sky-high-expections firstborn talk like this. "Life in America isn't really the same as it is here at Emmaus, you know? People don't know their neighbors, much less eat together...and we'll be very....well, new, you know?"

She didn't know.

As her face fell, I felt awful for raining on her sweet parade.

"You know what?" I finally said with newfound conviction. "Things are different in Haiti than they are in America. But the good and Godly parts of our lives that we have learned in Haiti, we will hold onto them. We can at least try, right? We will try."

As our new home has been full, literally daily, and as new friends and acquaintances surround our dinner table most nights a week, as Lily DOES go next door to borrow sugar and as neighbors bring their families over so we CAN meet them...Lily was right.

I am realizing that "those things aren't done in America" is NOT because they cannot be, but because WE are not DOING them.

Every single conversation-turned-dinner-invitation we have made has been accepted, every one, even with puzzled expressions.

When three of our 80+ year old neighbors left last night, Matt and I grinned as we talked through the rich evening.  He finally asked "Why IS eating together SO sweet? Why is eating together in a home so much more intimate than anything else we do with others?"

We wondered if perhaps it is because dinner in your home takes time, and so do real relationships. We wonder if perhaps letting people in, first, makes it a lot easier for them to let you in, too. 

As people keeping asking me "What does that LOOK like?" I want to give a few quick ideas on the hospitality we learned over thirteen years in Haiti that wasn't just Haitian...but just Biblical.

1) Start with those Jesus reminds us to start with.  An easy, non-intimidating place to start is with the orphan, the widow, and the sick.  It doesn't take long to identify those who have no family, those who are alone, those who have come through great loss, those who are in the middle of physical and emotional suffering, themselves or in their family.  We are all surrounded by those people.  We have ALL been those people. Maybe we are those people now. There is no better way to ease suffering, loneliness and loss than to bring people in...both for them, and for you.

2) Instead of worrying about saying all the right things in a 2 minute passing conversation, make a quick chat an opportunity for more.  "Wow, you have a LOT going on right now! Want to come over for dinner next week? I'd love to hear more, and to get to know you better." When you have 2 hours with someone instead of 2 minutes, the pressure to quickly and perfectly love them well is off, and you can enjoy getting to know them and speak into each others lives more naturally and deeply.

3) Be a little bossy.  We've ALL heard, "we should get together sometime" and "someday you should come over."  It almost never happens, and that quasi-invite is potentially more hurtful when it doesn't happen than if you had just said, "Good to see you!"  Throw out a day or time or meal or event right then, and don't walk away until it's in the works, unless it really becomes apparent that they are not interested. "We don't have any plans Friday night! Would you like to join us then?"

4) Pull your family in, start to finish.  Talk to your children and yourself continually about the importance of walking alongside people. How many times Jesus reminded people that what they did unto others was unto HIM! Read through the Gospels and see Jesus constantly spending time with those who were hurting, lonely, sick, outside, searching, angry, wrong or broken...or maybe just in need of being with Him.  Ask your family how they want to be a part of hospitality...search out their strengths and spiritual gifts.  Have the kids set the table. Fix it while they answer the door. Maybe that's just me.  Include the kids in conversation. Discuss a plan for what the kiddos are going to do while the adults drink coffee and talk after the meal. 

I frequently ask the kids to help make the dessert or part of the meal, enjoying good and messy time with them during the day, and then uplifting them while it's being served with a "Nora helped make this cobbler, doesn't it smell delicious?"  It empowers our children when they know they have opportunities to be a part of His kingdom work...and when we allow their contributions to be heartfelt and not perfect.  It also builds hospitality into their DNA.  Lily wants to live in community simply because we always have, not because I told her to.

5) Not only does it not have to be perfect, but it shouldn't be.  Jesus sat with all the wrong people in all the wrong places, oftentimes saying very culturally wrong things...with literally nothing in the oven. If that's how the Jesus we are following ate with people, we can stop thinking of our homes and lives and schedules as ours, and we can chill out on four courses and perfectly behaved kids and a polished floor.

A perfect home and perfect display is nothing more than that...a display, and nobody needs that. It's not about being perfect hosts. It's not about serving a perfect meal (thank goodness). It's about showing His love, serving one another, creating opportunities for good conversation, giving an opportunity to pray together. It's about showing Jesus...so the pressure is off to show an impressive version of US.

I've been beautifully, transformationally blessed in stick homes sharing the family chair with nothing more than mangoes, and I always remember that when I am worried over food.

Squabbles between the kids and tough pork loin and a broken glass just lead to opportunities to be real...and for guests to minister to YOU. What a gift struggles can be, if we allow them.

6) ASK QUESTIONS.  The art and patience and skill of listening is often lost in this fast-paced age. If you ask any person how they met their spouse, or what their children's interests are, or what books or movies they are enjoying or where they like to go for fun...it leads to a dozen new roads in conversation. Share bits of your own story, and listen...for many are longing just to be heard.

7) Look for opportunities to point to Jesus.  This has nothing to do with hospitality. This is everyday, every situation, to ourselves, our children, whomever we are with. Look for places Jesus was...look for things that He is doing...look for areas to speak into later...Look for places to PRAY, right now, or later and onward.  Listen for lies to gently speak truth into, listen for fears to pour courage into, listen for hurts to ask about again, and to bring before the Lord.

8) Search for--and relish--the sweet spots.  We are far, FAR more blessed by the people who gather around our table than we ever bless them. Every single time. This was true in Haiti, it is true, still.  How mesmerized we all were with priceless stories last night and again tonight. How fascinating for our children to hear about times and places they've only studied. How fun to watch Lily learn about how to grow hydrangeas, for Sofie to hear about a fantastic ballet, for Matt to make a distant connection, for Nora to chatter about her cousins, for me to hear about how other mama's made it through tough times, to watch Ben share his cookie with a new friend...sometimes.

9) Make the relationship be the goal.  Hospitality is not a service...it's an intentional relational lifestyle.  If building relationships is your goal--whether dinner was delicious or not so much, whether your children were angels or in great need of grace or discipline...whether your house was spotless or your guest tripped on a toy and found the bathroom with an empty roll--you have succeeded.  There are sweet, transformational connections built every time our disastrous garage is passed through, simply because those connections were our only goal.  When these new friends need help, need prayer, need a friend, or most, need Christ in you, the hope of glory, you are now accessible. And when you need it...they are, too.

When Jesus sat with people, things changed.

Everywhere we looked in Haiti, we saw heavy things that needed His touch. Everywhere we look in America, we are just as overwhelmed with all that should be different.

If our homes are filled with the same Spirit that filled our Savior, perhaps the change that is needed most begins right here.

They broke bread in their homes

and ate together

with glad and sincere hearts.

Acts 2:46

Most important of all,

continue to show deep love for one another,

for love covers a multitude of sin.

Cheerfully share your home with those 

who need a meal or a place to stay.

1 Peter 4:8-9

summer

I'm still acting like it's the first day of summer break and suddenly it's JUNE.  Matt's been in Memphis all week for Global Methodist Church conference, and we spent most of the days trying to find Lily a good summer job, catching up with friends and staying up too late watching movies we've been waiting to watch with Lily and Sofie like Rule Breakers about Afghanistan's first all-girl robotics team and The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society about the German occupation of the island of Guernsey in WWII.  

The teens stay up late and sleep in. The little get up with the rising sun and play and crash hard, and mama-in-the-middle gets to stay up late AND get up early:)  I would not necessarily recommend teen-ing and toddler-ing at the same time, but I sure am NOT gonna miss out on these sweet seasons. 

This week kicks off birthday season with four summer birthdays...Sofie turns 14 Wednesday and 7 additional teenage girls are joing us for 24 hours of fun! We're also getting ready for Revival next week, VBS in two weeks, art camp, church camp, all the good things. Emma is Incredibly excited about turning 3 in a few weeks with Minnie Mouse, and has told everyone she's willing to talk to about it. I'm glad Matt is back home :)

If you're looking for a SOLID devotional, I'm reading through Upon Waking with Jackie Hill Perry Again, and I'm back to my 30 Days to Resilient by John Eldridge "Pause" App...SO good and resetting every morning and evening. 

The more I fill up, the more He pours out when I'm shaken. It makes sense, that what we put in is what is coming out...but it's sometimes not apparent until we are shaking thin all over everyone that the solution isn't trying harder, but filling more often and deeper!  Summer and extra kids all the time is always a great practice in sanctification!  What we need is coming freely from His throne...head there and drink, ten times a day! 

Meanwhile, I am thankful for:  

two evenings that friends brought dinner when Matt was gone...and stayed to eat it with us! 

kids who love to play together (and on the flip, love to argue). We're focusing on love to play.

a neighborhood of like-minded families for the kids to play whiffle ball and ride bikes with

good worship music that help make monotonous chores times of work and worship

our faithful little small group that keeps us grounded and growing and prayed for

faithful Sunday night family dinner, and the GOOD family that fills our table

blueberry bushes that need quietly picked in the cool sunrise every morning for blueberry muffins

a pool to go to this summer

Haitian friends and family that daily point to Jesus

American friends and family who daily do the same

the Lord, near and good and trustworthy

sweeter, better, nobler

O Chambers was sharing one of my favorite annual devotional thoughts this morning and it hits me every time.  

the things we are going through either make us sweeter, better, and nobler

or they are making us more critical, fault-finding and more insistent on our own way.

The things that happen either make us evil, or they make us more saintly,

depending entirely upon our relationship with God and its level of intimacy. 

God's purpose, every time, is absolutely oneness with Himself. 

We have all finished school, Lily is done with her final exams, and this morning was the first morning in a very long time of hot coffee on the porch swing in the sunshine with Matt, slowing it down a bit. I LOVE summer vacation and I love these crazy, popscicle-obsessed messy kids, and I love having my crew all home. We are looking for very few additional things to do this summer, and hopefully I'll hear "I'm bored!" a few hundred times :)

Matt preached a weekend revival with his good friend Ron Smith, and is planning to be back in time to preach Sunday morning here and then head to annual conference in Memphis. Our friend Hannah moved in a few weeks ago now, so having Dad gone is a bit easier with two adults, and a driving teen! 

I've gotta get to bed, but intentional and bold prayer thought keeps striking me this week:

What is God showed up tonight and said, "Everything you've prayed for for the last week, YES, done."

Would your world be any different? Would the world be any different?

Or would we just be thankful for this day? Would food just have nourished our bodies? You got a parking spot, hit a couple green lights, favorite team won?

Think about it.

Would there still be unreached people groups? Would all of your relationships be reconciled? Would there still be injustice in the world? What are you praying for? Would your lost friends still be lost?

If our prayers are not intimidating to us, they very well could be insulting to the Almighty God.

11 random richnesses of the week:

every time He is trusted.

There's a lot going on in life right now.

It exposes tender places I was unaware.

Lily drives my van to and from school every day, and on the rare day I now get to drive my car, I have to move the seat up to reach the pedals. I know what 18 means. And I know 16 is close. 

Sofie went out for cheer, worked her booty off, made the team, and then handled some complications in a way that made me proud to be her mama. On her own. Couldn't have made her or stopped her, and she just did. Now I am a cheer mom, and I'll do it...as long as it's Sofie's. 

Nora is turning double digits. My little Nora. The one we almost lost. The one everyone thinks doesn't like them. The one you have to earn.

Ben is so tall and so dirty and so tan and so intense and so obsessed with all things sports and friends and I wonder if I'll even SEE him this summer. But he hugs me fifty times a day and tells me every. single. thought.

And Memmie is turning 3 and will never remember Grandpa...or Haiti...and is the quietest, sweetest, most hilarious, busiest, opinionated thing, and I remind the Lord every day that I am so sorry I cried and cried for 9 months and thought His good gift was too much...instead of just trusting Him.

Matt pours it all out, and preaches good and heavy and loving and clear and painful truth. He teaches deep, meat not milk, and when he's not preaching, he's pastoring, listening and loving and pointing towards Jesus...much with the church and also much with the lost. It's a 24/7, 110% sport, shepherding. And he never does it sloppy or half-way. Even when no one sees. Even when no one comes. Even when no one notices. 

I do.

A few friends are facing very scary and suffering things, and it's sacred and fragile to breath out prayers for them, continually. Wishing I could DO. And doing the most important work I could. In the middle of dishes and Algebra and carpool...I'm praying, and it cannot be taken away from me, the honor.

We have extra kids and extra people all the time and I realize it's finally a season when I'm ok with that.

Jesus always said to let them come. Jesus always said to make room, hearts and homes. Jesus always said He would be enough. And while some seasons past I have questioned that, daily...I am trusting Him with that better now. He will always provide for the making room and making bandwidth for another body, a soul, a conversation, a plate, a dollar.

I miss Haiti every day, Haiti and her people. And I miss my little sister and her people.  I miss them all being a part of daily life and vice-versa.  And when it comes to Haiti and to Lisa, I wish things were different. I guess you can wish things were different while also being so thankful for the richness of His calling and His mission and His provision and His people in our lives.

I worry that I am too much. That we are too much. That people grow weary of us, always talking about Jesus, always food on Benny's face, always looking a little homeless, always feeling things way too big, always a little too loud, never dressed quite right, always taking way too long to get over our losses.  I worry that we burden more than bless, or that we'd be easier for people if we could tone it all down. Or burn it all dimmer. 

My kids are coming up too passionate and too heart, and sometimes it gets them in trouble. already. And as I'm reading them missionary martyr biographies at bedtime and memoizing passages about turning the other cheek and tearing up at every family prayer over the heavy burdens of others...as Matt's choking up in the middle of preaching his guts out and teaching the uncomfortable truths of a man who was tortured and nailed to a cross...I KNOW it's my doing, our doing, His doing, and I know it's gonna make life harder for them instead of easier. 

If I'm writing honest...and that's what writing makes me do...I worry no one actually wants us, or what we have to offer. 

And even as I say it...

Even as I say it, I know that if that is my deepest fear...then I can freely face that it is true.

I don't have anything to offer. 

In myself I've got nothing worth wanting. 

I came here with nothing. I'll peace out with nothing. And nothing I have or am is mine or eternal or worth someone wanting.

Every single beautiful or desirable thing in me and around me and through me isn't me.

I might be too much. I might not be enough. I might be both.

But the One Who Decides loves me perfectly and completely and fully and unwavering.

Do you hear me friend?

My children will always be fully known and fully loved and fully seen by Him. 

If all I can do is look to Jesus...

and if all I can give is to point to Jesus...

and if all I have of value is found in Jesus...

then me being too much or not enough or wanted or not wanted...well...

it's of no real consequence, is it. 

There is such freedom in it all boiling down just to Him. 

And HE is on the throne. Mighty and powerful and just and GOOD, salvation in His wings and redemption dripping from His fingertips and glory shone round about Him and making all things new.

King Jesus. 

My aim is to please the One who enlisted me. I will say it again. And I will say it again when I forget. And I will tell you, even when it's humbling.

King Jesus, swallowing up fear every time He is trusted.