"Jesus doesn't bring anything up from the wells of human nature--He brings them down from above. We impoverish and weaken His ministry in us the moment we forget He is almighty. 

The great impoverishment is in us, not in Him, and the reason some of us are such poor examples of Christianity is that we have failed to recognize that Christ is almighty. We struggle to reach the bottom of our own well, trying to get water for ourselves.

The well of your incompleteness runs deep, but make the effort to look away from yourselves and look towards Him."

-O Chambers

good things

This was the weekend of too much of a lot of good things :)

When I loaded the girls into the truck this morning, Lily was all weepy, wailing, "It's too much!  I need to stay home!" and all I could say was, "I hear you baby. But it's Monday morning, and they often feel like that, and this is gonna be A WEEK, and all I know is that when our strength is no where near enough, His is, and this week, we're gonna be all about His strength, ok?"

I ran into my English One class a few minutes later, leaving Nora with Robert and Jane, and we poured over Colossians 3 together to begin, and He reminded me back His words to Lily.

This weeks gonna be about what He has done, what He can do and is doing, and fully relying on Him, and THAT is going to make it a good week...these are good things.

The other thing that's going to make it a good week is exactly what Pastor Bobanoit preached about in chapel on Friday.  We all have friends who exhaust us, friends who make us feel badly, friends who  draw us away from the Lord, friends who inspire us, friends who push us closer to Jesus, friends who encourage us.  And our EBS board is just a God-organized group of men and women who always challenge us, help us, and ENCOURAGE us.  

Even better, we have had a precious few of them come early, for the purpose of helping and encouraging, and having precious friends and extra hands right now could not be MORE encouraging. 

 

Friday night we had a big cookout with all our families (our last family meal with the remaining Edlers, who head out Thursday) and with Carol, the Sleasemans and Jane.  Matt has been incredibly swamped and heavy lately, and I love when he can find a few minutes to be his dorky self, even if it's only appreciated by Joel :)  We're gonna miss these two little guys as they go to meet their brother, especially Nora and Sofie.

Saturday morning, Robert flew back up from business in Port-au-Prince, and Jane, Lily, Sofie, Nora and I went to get him while Matt was teaching Hebrew 2, in French and Creole.  How's that for a Saturday morning!

On the way home, we took them to Cap-Haitien's newest store, and here Lily and Sofie are showing them all the frozen rabbits, frog legs, snails, and other random fun things we never buy, but the girls aways like to name and play with. 

When we finally all got home Saturday, a big group of Lily's old school friends were at the door, missing Lily and Lily always missing them!  They had a blast few hours on the trampoline, far too crazy for any good pictures.

Even John Kennedy got to come, though he wants NOTHING to do with me :)

As soon as Matt got home from class we were off to Evens birthday party with the Sleaseman family, and to meet Nick's family who was in for the occasion.  Evens is quite the artist, and all the kiddos loved his art themed party (but especially Nora, who loves any good excuse to take off a party dress.)

Jane and Robert had dinner ready when we got home, which needless to say, never happens :)  So thankful!

Sunday morning started bright and early!

We headed off with the Sunderlands, Sleasemans and Carol to Prudence's church.  She works at the Bethesda clinic and is a dear, long-standing friend of the Sunderlands, especially.  They were all so happy to have some time together, and it was a gift, as always, to worship with our brothers and sisters in Laurie.  Even if it was at 7:30.  And even if it was until 10 :)

The Sleasemans live in Ohio, and therefore do not get to the beach much.  Before they even got here they were hoping we could make the beach work somehow before the rest of the board got here with their precious three kiddos, and so after church we drove straight to the beach, where the kiddos had a wonderful time and where the adults mostly sat, which was what this adult really needed to do.  Matt even got nap in, as long as he was napping with the "sleeping" fish that Sofia found washed up on the beach and then cared for all day.  

I love this picture.  The kids were all so busy :)

Zoey found this guy, who also became Sofie's "moving snowball".  

We then moved the Sleasman five to the OMS campus (we are about to be busting at the seams) and then  finally got home last night some 12 hours later, made pizza and got some tired, happy, sandy people to bed for what felt like a very short night's sleep. 

This morning everyone is off to school, I had a fun class with teaching prepositions of place and giving and receiving directions that ended in a hilarious, fun scavenger hunt, I'm off to get the girls at school early because we don't have any vehicles available to get them on time, and then Matt and Ti-Lou are off to the airport to get the remaining 13 board members and family.

This week will be nice and full of meetings, all our regular classes and activities, and our big annual Academic Convocation service on Wednesday!  Stay tuned for lots of pix and thank you for your sweet and faithful prayers, as we all rely on His more than sufficient strength!

catch up!

Our CFO Carol (and Emily's mom, Karen) got here Friday, and Carol's helping me work through our QuickBooks transition and getting us all caught up for board meetings next week!  Another board member and his family, the Sleasemans, arrived today, much to the girls delight!  They haven't seen Zoey, Dhaleson or Ellie for a really long time, and were still playing hard in the yard long after dark tonight!  Then another brand new board member and his dear wife arrive tomorrow to spend a few days helping us get ready, and with Matt teaching Saturday and time with all these lovely people and church Sunday, board meetings are HERE!

Monday we have another 14 people joining us and another 2 Wednesday, and with academic convocation, meetings, a beach trip, airport runs, and all the normal classes and weekly activities...it's just going to be a happy buzz 10 days.

Tonight as we were taking our family walk after supper, enjoying the cool evening breeze and chatting with staff and students, we were thankful for a quiet normal moment, and for the beautiful men and women God has hemmed us in with.  Matt and I are both just deeply enjoying our classes this semester...It's been particularly fun watching Matt spending time doing and re-loving his first love, just teaching God's Word.  He LOVES it, and is so God-gifted to do so.  

Meanwhile, school and homeschool continues with the girls, and while that all has it's rough moments (MATH, people), I've been extra reminded lately what an opportunity every moment is for discipleship...praying that the Lord helps me see those moments and take the time to embrace them fully!

Nora continues to be the chattiest of chatterboxes, always singing and commanding, reading and busy busy...she loves doing all her kinds of school while we do, and we all love watching and learning with her!  Not a day goes by that Nora's not cracking us all up.

Sofie girl lost another tooth this week and is just growing up faster than I wish she was, singing through her French verbs and always ready to play with anyone and everyone who is ready to play.

So, we're one-day-at-a-timing it, by His grace and your prayers!  I'll try to nab a picture of Matt's Psalms class tomorrow (he's teaching that and Hebrew) when I'm not working with Carol, and my big assignment for the rest of the week is to catch up on all this grading and to call each of my English 4 students, who have been working on phone etiquette and language, and each want to practice :)  

Thank you in advance for your prayers for everyone coming and going next week and for good, productive, enjoyable and effective time with our cherished EBS board!  

by grace and prayers and kicks in the skirt

When Matt was a youth (not just still often acted like a youth), he was investigating Taoism and trying all kinds of everything, wherever anyone led him, and grace and prayers, God continued to pursue him.  Spoke to him even, when he was no where close to God and no where close to ready, but as Acts 17:27 reminded me a few weeks ago, God wasn't far off no matter how far Matt was.

A few years later when Matt finally had a deep knowledge that the Bible was The Word, a deep trust that God was  surely The Way, he still was dragging his feet because he wanted to follow God and His Word, but not His people.  He didn't want anything to do with Christians, and again, grace and prayers, God brought him to a place of trust, asking him to let others go and to trust HIM instead, to follow just Him, to a place where he could stop worrying about everyone else, could stop looking back at the plow, and could pursue Jesus with reckless abandon.

I don't have that story, nothing like it. And it led him to me and then to Haiti, so I'm not saying it's a golden pot at the end of a rainbow!

But grace and prayers, He's bringing me to the transforming realization lately that I can stop worrying about everyone else, can stop looking back at the plow, and can pursue Him with reckless abandon, anyway.

How stuck I've been this season on being disappointed and hurt.

I've found a million reasons to be, let down and disappointed over and over, at every turn, feeling abandoned and uncared for and alone, a trap and temptation of Satan, for sure, that I have easily helped him with.

Shouldn't be like this, I keep thinking, somebody should have something, nobody even nothing, surely could have something, even though I did and gave and reached so much, nobody, nothing.

It's been dwelling and growing, and being disappointed, and then holding it tightly in my hands and adding each offense to my pile has done nothing beautiful to or for me...catching me off guard with surprising anger, with heavy bitterness, with crippling arrogance of what I surely merit and deserve.

And I've been praying out of that arrogance that the Lord would help others do better, not disapoint, try harder.  Praying He would help me let go of my frustration and hurt.  Would help me not care, would make me stronger, something.  Praying something.  Help.

And instead He's been doing something entirely different.  Grace and prayers, He's letting everyone else care about everyone else, He's taking care of everyone else out of my hands, and He's caring just about Him and me.

You know who hasn't disappointed me once, not today, not this season, not ever?  And you know who is never going to?  You know who has promised to always be no-matter-what faithful and is continually caring and pursuing?  You know who is never going to abandon, never going to disappoint?  

It's not gonna be the church, it's not gonna be Christians, it's not gonna be dearest friends or beloved spouses or precious children or faithful parents.

But it IS going to be the Living God, and I cringe to admit that I've let an awful lot overshadow Him lately.  I have left me an awful lot of hurt, putting my confidence in anything short, which is EVERYTHING but Him.

After all my hours of thinking and hurting and wishing and dwelling, He addressed me first with Acts 14 a few weeks ago--God allowing all the nations to go their own ways, but never leaving them without evidence of himself and his goodness, even sending them rain and good food and joyful hearts.

Yesterday He struck again with the ridiculously repetitive (and obviously necessarily repetitive) worship song on iTunes Radio, King of My Heart...You, You are never going to let me down. You are never going to let me down, you are never going to let, never going to let me down, never going to let me down.

It finally started seeping in as freedom.

But today was the final freeing kick in the pants, (which last 11 years has been mostly skirts) which you know is usually what it takes for me to stop wallowing in hurt and start wallowing in Jesus.

First it was O. Chambers, saying "Allow HIM to be the source of all your dreams, joys and delights"(instead of trying to find them from others and being so bitterly disappointed!)

Then then I started in on Romans, and what direct words He spoke me!

Don't you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant and patient God is with you?  
Does this mean nothing to you? 
Can't you see that His kindness is intended to lead you? (2:4)

I didn't.

I didn't see.  I've been all good, all day, all blind.

I've just been seeing how everything else has felt and seemed and been.  I haven't been seeing AT ALL how wonderfully kind, tolerant and patient God is with me, which is EXACTLY what He has been and EXACTLY what I haven't deserved.

Don't you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant and patient God is with you?  
Does this mean nothing to you? 
Can't you see that His kindness is intended to lead you? (2:4)

And with that freeing final kick, the painful hurt all seems to exit as well...because the hurts of man, no matter how deep,  don't really stand up to the surpassing love of Christ, do they.

Others will hurt us, friends, over and over, disappoint by the billions. But we have a Living God, who is NOT far off and never will be, who is so wonderfully kind and trustworthy, if only we might finally give up all the rest, all the hurts, all the disappointments, all the joys, even all the dreams and expectations, and follow Him eyes glued, trusting in His love and kindness with reckless abandon. 

He leads us to joyful hearts and deep-seated peace, He leads us to security in Him and wants to lead us, not with others or judgements or blessings or what we deserve, but desires to lead us in His KINDNESS, which is just exactly what I have longed for.  

He's got better than bitterness for you, beloved, entirely OTHER than disappointment.  May He bring us each to a place of trust, letting all else go, that we might pursue Him as He pursues us with reckless abandon, freed and deeply loved.

I write it for me, my process, my stone of remembrance of a place God intimately met me, but I hope I share it for you, too, for His glory.  We don't have to be anywhere near perfect, and neither does anyone else.  Just nearer Jesus.  

retreat

We safely arrived late Sunday night at the resort where we were staying, and the best part is that all your meals are included.  We spend so much time planning for meals and making food in Haiti that this aspect alone is a huge blessing.  Unfortunately, several of us always get sick in the DR eating different foods prepared differently, and this trip was no exception...but after getting so sick at a DR resort over Christmas, Matt and I were ridiculously picky about what we ate and all five came through unscathed.  

This is a big, beautiful team, isn't it!?  Most of these missionaries here are OMS Haiti missionaries...one OMS couple came from Oregon to lead the adult sessions, one family came from one of our home churches in New Jersey to lead the kid sessions, and one family are EBS missionaries.  The majority of the above missionaries work at Cowman International School down the road, and also one at Bethesda Clinic, one with Starfish kids, one in finance, a few with teams and maintenance and a few with ECC, Mercy, ....I think that covers everyone.  At any rate, we all get together once a week for an hour of prayer, but that means most of the time our lives are all over the place. It was a joy to get together for a few days and spend lots of time in Bible study and prayer and resting together.

One of the highlights was on Valentine's day, our last night.  Beautifully, Kristen and RJ and their daughter Gracie took ALL the kids to dinner...

...which means that we got to sit and eat at one of the resort "restaurants" without kiddos with Brett and Angie, Dave and Marilyn. What precious time being served with these couples and talking about the past and present and future, our kiddos, funny cultural stories, challenges and praises.  It was great and this good time together, not working together, was probably the highlight of retreat for me.  

Sessions together were good and solid times of study and prayer, and we also got to have family meals with lots of people we don't usually get to, without having to cook!  Praising the Lord.

The other highlight is always just good time with the girls, not trying to do French homework, not trying to homeschool, not trying to do dishes and put away laundry, but just talking and listening. You don't sleep well all in one bedroom, and you don't relax well in a van or bus for crazy long hours, but you can LISTEN well, and these girls love to talk :)   Love them, and thankful for this required time away to focus some on them!

We also got to do some shopping one afternoon (missionaries from Haiti can SHOP till they DROP when finally given a chance :) and that 15 passenger van came in useful again!

We're not going to talk about travel home day, but EBS started back up Thursday, so yesterday was a big catch up day for us and then Matt is currently teaching in our weekend program (he's got the next five Saturdays!) Emily usually leads English Chapel on Friday, but she stayed in the DR for an extra day, and the students did an AWESOME job leading...really fun hearing the songs they picked and the arrangements they made to give them a more Haitian sound!  Carol Folkeringa (our main finance guru) and Karen (Emily's mama) got here yesterday, so we're catching up on laundry and school-work and finances and getting ready for EBS board meetings the last week of February!  

Happily-Sadly, we also had to see Bill off during retreat, soon to be followed by Julie and the boys.  They are back to Canada to start and see through the adoption of a precious little boy.  It's killing us to lose them right now (or ever) but we're excited about this clear calling on their lives and grateful to do whatever we can to help make it possible.  Hopefully the predicted amount of time will be shorter, the doors will be wide open, and we're praying for lots of healing and redemption and beauty as Jacob is hemmed into their family.

We also received the official letter today for our accreditation, and Emmaus has been granted accreditation for the longest term possible, five years, starting January 1st, 2018.  Whoo-hoo!

church and culture

First!   Before we ever went on retreat, we had an awesome, truly special last morning with the team from New Bedford Church!  I do wish it hadn't started so early (6:30 am departure) and hadn't included 12 people, all their bags, and all our bags for retreat in one 15 passenger van (I really should have gotten a picture, but was thoroughly buried.)  But we made it to Elizay's church, right on the water by the airport, by the time the service started at 7:10.

Seven-ten seems early until you realize how hot the cement and tin structure on the water gets inside (wish beautiful cloth covering all the windows and air circulation)...by the time the service finished at 9:30 we were pretty drenched!  It was a great service, however, and I was so glad to be all worshiping together.  That just always strikes me as special when we have people from outside of Haiti here.  Blending cultures and languages in worship is just something heavenly.

I'm never aware of how culturally Matt preaches until I'm trying to translate his preaching for a group of people from my culture.  Explaining what his stories and examples mean, culturally, always makes me happy that they are well understood and appreciated by the culture he's there to share the Gospel with!  This day he outlined some of the necessities of salvation that are often entirely passed over...probably different elements often passed over in our home culture.  

We really did love having these guys with us...and being at New Bedford this summer will be all the more fun :)  THANK YOU all for coming!  We took them to a quick breakfast in town and then off to the airport, and were on the long road to the DR by 11:30!

The first of the board members start arriving today, so I'm off to start supper, but I'll get to retreat next!

You know those days when you’re really glad at the end of it that you DIDN’T know at the beginning of it what all it was going to entail?  It was one of those.  But it’s over, and we’re safely home again, and everybody somehow kept their grace, and the children are dirty and not well nourished but safely somehow in their beds, and I’m grateful...thank you Jesus, and for another “adventure” to forget for a while until it’s funny :)

I’m totally adventured out and sore and off to bed, but I’ll have a good summary of retreat and some pix up tomorrow, and’ll be back to blogging with internet!  

I don’t think we’ll probably EVER attempt driving and hiking a team to the top of the Citadel, team dinner of homemade pizza, 6:30 am church departure with 3 girls who needed their hair done and all still don’t think they need shoes, then 12 people, coolers and suitcases and homemade bagels packed into the van, 7:10 service with translating and  Matt Ayars preaching, brunch with the team back in town, everyone to the airport and then, driving 7 hours and border crossing in a 15 passenger van with 3 littles and a pregnant lady in the rain to a place we’ve never been all in one weekend again.  Never again.  But we did.  And He brought us safely and we are showered and in beds and I’m thankful and thankful for your prayers!

go, go, go!

After visiting and relation-shipping and preaching at New Bedford Presbyterian Church  so many times the last 12 years, it was really neat this week to have Pastor Doug actually preach at "our church" here at Emmaus...

It's been very special indeed having this team here, visiting with us and with Autumn!

Today was their last day, and they grand-finaled with the Citadel. Matt, Jodenel (staff) and Maurice (third year), and Lily and Sofie of course, took them, and they all had an awesome (albeit very l-o-n-g and exhausting) day!  

I love this one.  They insisted that they were "freezing" up there, so they were keeping each other warm :)  Thin blooded blondies!

Matt says that just because everybody jumps off the cliff doesn't mean he's going to :)  

They left at 8 and got home around 4:30, then Nora and I fed them all pizza and sent everyone to bed!

This morning at 4:30 am the rest of our EBS/OMS team left for the Dominican for OMS annual spiritual retreat, and so she and I spent the day trying to pack up for our family.  Tomorrow morning we leave with the team at 6:30, get to Pastor Elizay's church for the 7:10 service, then get them some brunch and off to the airport and then we also head for the DR to meet up with our team.

I'm not going to lie...Nora didn't help much.

They made good time today, but that was between 7-8 hours...Tomorrow is going to be an incredibly long day.  Would you do me a favor and be praying for us?  Not much makes me nervous, but I must admit to not feeling too good about making such a long journey on our own across two countries without anyone else to help with driving after such an exhausting last couple of days (who am I kidding...it's been a crazy few weeks!) A seven hour car trip in Haiti and the DR are not like a 7 hour car trip at home, and we would really appreciate extra travel prayers for tomorrow.  (Shelley, you have to stop telling me travel horror stories!!!) We've talked and prayed through our other options and none of them are great, either...so....we're going to do our best...and maybe need to stop calling it "retreat" :) 

Thank you for your prayers, and all your grace and love for our family.  

bringing it in

My 'one day at a time' theory (I'm pretty sure I'm not the one who came up with that theory, by the way :), has been working well.  I did not account for Nora having a terrible chest cold that has had us up a ridiculous number of times every night, but aside from one-day-at-a-time with little sleep, it's been so good!

I'm always so shocked at how much Emily enjoys running teams...not because the people aren't so lovely and encouraging, but because there are SO SO many details behind arranging all the preparation, all the travel, transportation, food, translators, housing, activities, etc.  It's a LOT of work to do WELL, which is the only way we want to do it! One of the many things Emily does so well with teams is that when they're here, she puts all her time and energy in to it...and that's where my struggle is!

God's truly made my first calling our staff and students, and that's where I love spending my time and energy...but to add on 15 new and old American friends these last couple of days has truly been a joy. NOT a sustainable joy (all future teams are back to Emily :), but a joy, and I've been honored to work with our Crosspoint and New Bedford Churches this week!

It makes sense, being wired such, that my favorite things to do with teams is mesh with them with our staff and students.  

That's meant that all of their meals this week have been together with our students, and Wednesday that meant having them tour the seminary through the perspectives and opinions of Leme, Simeon and Jodenel, and then spending some time with Matt talking about all they've been seeing and about EBS.

 

And though they were working alongside several other ministries all day Thursday, Thursday evening that meant getting to put everyone together to chat for an hour, work on their common-ish language, and get to know each other!  It's always so fun to watch everyone learning from each other, giving grace, sharing lots of laughter and spending some time praying for one another.

Doesn't get any better than that!

Today the team splits in two, half working at Bethesda Clinic this morning then heading to the airport, and the other half split in two again, working at Children of the Promise or around EBS, Pastor Doug preaching in chapel today, a bonfire this evening and then everyone off for the Citadel tomorrow, much to Lily and Sofie's delight.  The girls have been adoring these teams, learning sign language, celebrating a birthday, loving a few new toys and books, and they are just so quick to make friends.  Life in Haiti has definitely worked the shy out of both of them.

Thankful for all the different ways, and all that different people, God works and uses for His glory to bring people to himself.