the kingdom of The Faithful One

I must be getting old, because that trip wiped me out! All week I was unsure what day it was, and despite heading to bed several nights by 9 pm, I was still struggling to get up every morning. Getting older is not for the faint of heart, nor is parenting those who are getting older! 

While the teenagers are always speeding things up, a two-year old in the mix always reminds me to slow down and notice the sweet things in life, in the middle of the mundane. Emma LOVES to sing, and while we fold laundry and drive to another pick up, while I get a little work done or wait for the water to boil, she is singing me some song and enjoying her life. 

Church this morning, as always, was another slow down...a powerful word on resisting anxiety and worry by remembering to seek first His kingdom, and to find our rest in The Faithful One. 

Days umbrella-d by prayers that I might TODAY seek first His kingdom...those days keep the perspective of His priorities. Efforts laid down for working from a place of REST in the Faithful One...that is a sweet spot from which to labor. 

What does seeking first His kingdom even look like in these moments? What does my Monday look like, if I am seeking first His kingdom? 

How does resting in the Faithful One instead of trying harder to be faithful transform? And as I looked around rows of a hurting church this morning, how did He answer my "Lord, why doesn't it seem like You're being faithful in this situation?"

Because your seems is wrong. 

Resting in the unwavering Faithful One, all our seems is wrong. 

We got to go see "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever" last night, and it was such a powerful reminder, as we head into what has become the crazy season, of the centering of Christmas, just as this mornings sermon was such a great reminder of centering for this week ahead. 

I am praying for you, many...and grateful to be seeking Him first with you!

If I can pray something specific, please let me know, always! staceyhaiti@gmail.com

homecoming

Matt and I are just finishing an incredibly long, but sweet roadtrip to North Carolina for Uncle Harold's funeral.  We both had precious time with Aunt Sharon and Uncle Martin, Angie, Uncle Dave, Brian and Susie, Jeff and Laura, Kate and Storly, Rachel and Isaac, Tom and Tonya, and lots of other heroes of ours. Miranda held down the fort at home with the kiddos, along with a lot of sweet mamas who hemmed our kiddos into their weekend activities to make it possible for us to go!   

Sitting on the front porch with various family members, we got to hear all about Uncle Harold being born in this house, his sister's house on one side and his brother's house on the other. A family of farmers, Harold had planned to take over the family farm until the Lord really got ahold of his life and called him to a different Harvest.  What a humbling weekend to sit and hear SO many stories about this godly and humble man, many of which included Aunt Mary, praying in the room next door. 

We celebrate so mightily the ball-catching or song-singing abilities of other humans, but the times that Harold Brown was sanctified and abandoned to bring peace to impossible situations, the times that painful and sacrificial faithfulness was needed and persevered, the testimonies that transformed people's entire lives and future generations....these stories are often passed over. 

Not by Him. 

I'm so thankful for the strengthening in my bones and spirit that came from the stories and faithfulness of Harold and Mary and so many others this weekend! I'm so thankful for this Family of Faith God has woven us into! I'm so thankful Matt got to preach such a sacred funeral, Harold, just a few moments ahead, and that we were able to be there to mourn and celebrate and remember and be edified together!  

though He slay me

I've heard Matt Ayars preach a lotta powerful sermons, but this sermon he preached last night answering the question: Why Does God Allow Suffering? was IT.  If it feels like you can't get a break, if the devastation around us feel crippling, if your suffering is unceasing, if loss has ever had you deeply wondering: Is He actually good? Is He actually powerful? Then what.is.this.about??"...this preaching of the Word took my breath, and doubts, away.  

Though He slay me.

Take a minute: 

legacies

Our dear Uncle Harold, Aunt Sharon's Daddy, has been so many places--shared our Haiti roots, took Matt to Russia, worked for the unreached all over Africa--and has finally gone Home. 

No more suffering, no more missing his Mary, no more struggles, no more pain...and also no more precious adventures and conversations and prayers with Harold. The last time I heard Uncle Harold's voice, through the phone when I was talking to Aunt Sharon, she said: "I'm talking to Stacey, Daddy," and I heard him say, "Stacey? She's one of my very favorite writers."  THAT is ridiculous, and yet so pricelessly Harold Brown that I will cherish it forever. Aunt Sharon and Angie had such an incredibly special relationship with their godly father...I feel the ACHE just with them, in my bones. 

Two days before he passed, another dear friend and fellow board member at OMS had a major health setback and died just hours later, and while it is not hard for me to picture energetic and compassionate Rudy at His throne--SO quick to jump in, SO quick to tear up, SO quick to testify His faithfullness--it IS hard to picture him g o n e .

How have I been SO RICH as to touch lives with SO MANY faithful people??

So what we have is Jesus. 

What we have, it Never fails, and He is enough.

What we have is the knowledge of Revelation 22 for our dear ones, reigning forever and ever and ever and just waiting a moment for us. No longer anything accursed (sadness, loneliness, pain, sickness, heartbreak, missing, anxiety), the throne of God flowing the river of the water of life, His servants worshipping Him, seeing His face, His name on their foreheads, no more night, no more darkness. The Lord their light, reigning forever and ever, these words are trustworthy and true.

It doesn't just comfort me. It transforms me. It transforms death. It redeems it. It somehow means that while everything feels SO heavily t.h.e.  e.n.d. with these precious fathers, it is not the end. Not even close. Just the beginning, the beginning of ALWAYS.

And I am SO THANKFUL I have Rudy imprinted forever in my life. I am SO thankful that Uncle Harold's powerful, gentle, abandoned and passionate legacy has been being poured and poured into me for 17 years now. Uncle Martin and Aunt Sharon hemmed our family in because Uncle Harold and Aunt Mary were their parents and that was how they did things, their BIG love and faithful witness passed down. And still does. And always will. Reigning forever and ever.

The broken parts, for Harold and Rudy, are NO more, not even a wince, not even a shadow, not even a painful memory, not even a sigh (Isaiah 35). 

I am SO weary of sickness, brokenness, suffering, sadness and death, and believing SO FULLY that it will be redeemed as if it NEVER was that I cling to Rudy's Hope, Harold's Hope, Mom and Dad's Hope, Granny's Hope, the Hope. 

Eyes on Jesus, Stacey. 

Like Harold's.

the stability of our times

Isaiah has been sustaining me these days, what has you?  It has slowed me down. I am walking it slowly for myself, and I am walking it slowly on behalf of some of you, undergoing deep and wide losses and overshadowing brokenness.

O Lord, be gracious to us; we wait for you.

Be our arm every morning,

our salvation in the time of trouble. 

At the tumultuous noise people flee;

when you lift yourself up, nations are scattered.

The Lord is exalted, for He dwells on high;

He will fill Zion with justice and righteousness,

and he will be the stability of your times,

abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge;

the fear of the Lord is our treasure. 

The effect of righteousness will be peace

and the result of righteousness, quietness and trust forever. 

My people will abide in a peaceful habitation, 

in secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places.

For all the tumultuous "times" this passage has been read the last thousands of years, He will be the stability of our times. He isn't snippets of what we need, but pours out His abundance of salvation, wisdom, knowledge.  Trusting Him, respecting Him, living in awe and fear of Him, is our treasure that cannot be shaken nor taken away. 

Live faithfully with me, family. Watch your words, blessings instead of curses, seek peace and pursue it, speaking only the truth and only in love. Cling to that mustard seed of faith and the effect of righteousness will be peace, quietness and trust. 

Trusting Him with you, today.

Philly Fun

Oh man. It took us a lot longer and a few detours to get home, but we made it and had the best whirlwind days in Philly with the Northams! We did all the things--from Amish country to big city--and had lots of down-time, precious cousin time, lots of laughter and play...just such a joy! Even with the extra overnight in Dallas, we all agreed it was 100 times worth the effort...

Getting away is refreshing, there is nothing like family, and any time the cousins are together I love to sit and watch and listen, especially with people as precious as Lisa and Adam.  I am SO thankful for family, even when everyone is SO far away.

And we are wiped :)

There are a lot of good and kind people out there. Nothing like traveling with five kiddos to bring out the nasty looks...and also the sweetest remarks! I came out of a long 2 travel days with a quart of milk and a dozen doughnuts from a complete stranger, more kindness than frustration, and so many uplifting remarks about the kiddos. When people are patient and gracious with one another, and take a minute to say something uplifting, it just blesses me...because I always need it and it always reminds me of HIM!

Tomorrow I take five kids to Philadelphia, Matt keeps two kids in Jackson, and I sure think I remembered all the socks and snacks and carpools and rental car info and homework and details that both the sides entail....grateful for your prayers and fun pictures ahead, I'm sure.  

SO grateful for a few sweet days with Elisa this weekend and to have Matt home after his bday trip!

I have very few friends I've had as long as Elisa...I am SO THANKFUL for her wisdom and light and faithfulness and JOY in my life! 

the One who sees

We just came from visiting Lady Jane, finally back at home, and Matt's having a great time in Nashville, catching up on some work, writing, reading and resting! His shoulder improves a little each day, and we're almost to a place of him having more use of it than he did before surgery, so I'm very thankful! He'll be home Sunday, and Lord willing with all the weather in Atlanta, Aunt Elisa is hoping to come this weekend! THAT would be priceless...it's been too long! 

This next week the kids and I are heading to Philly for 72 hours to see the other people it's been way too long between seeing....Adam, Lisa and the cousins. I don't need to tell you how excited the kiddos are!  We're double-timing school to take the three days off, and I am SO looking forward to time with my sister!

The Lord, when we look for Him--is always reminding me that He sees me. There have been a lot of moments this week I wasn't sure if I could finish that pile of dishes, get in that car one more time, respond to that sassy teen in a gracious and wise way, get up when that alarm was blaring, or be patient and loving through one more melt down.  So much of mothering (and life!) is being invisible, and yet we are not to Him. 

But one morning Gaga showed up with coffee, and one afternoon right after I texted Lily that I would be an hour late to pick her up from school because I was still at gymnastics with Ben and Nora, Peggy texted out of the blue and asked if Lily needed picked up! My incredibly busy friend is driving six hours to spend the weekend in a noisy guest-room and a noisy house to be with me! Matt works incredibly hard so I can take the kids to see my precious far-off family, and with His Word the Lord soothes and sustains me constantly! I'm grateful.

A few things for you praying warriors! 

-continued strength and peace for Lady Jane, for Matt's shoulder and for our dear friend Betsy, as she continues in difficult chemo and battling and trusting the Lord

-safety and sweet days with Lisa and that traveling adventure with five kiddos

-our foster re-licensing (yes, it's already been 2 years!) is still underway and includes such an investment of time, energy and perseverance (and patience with the system!)...and for the many children throughout Mississippi and the world who desperately need a safe and loving home in which to experience the patient, kind, hopeful, perseverant, never-failing Love of Christ. Continued prayers for our girls

-being a teenager is tough, and Lily-girl just seems to be extra struggling lately...I'd love your prayers for our girl!

-Haiti. Pray for the country, for her beautiful people, and we have been asked to come alongside Emmaus in early spring and we are looking and praying for open doors. We need your prayers and need His wisdom and His open and closed doors and this precious opportunity to come alongside our Haitian brothers and sisters in such a long and ongoing difficult time. 

-our church, Wellspring, is finally wrapping the build-out project and will soon be transitioning to having a building for the first time, meeting in the mornings, a new city, adding a lot of programs, etc., etc....we would love your prayers.  We've got nothing to do but His gracious work of saving souls, and the same truth then is now : the harvest in plentiful. Pray with us, dripping His grace into hard hearts ahead of the laborers! 

sunshine and shadows

Our dear Lady Jane is in the hospital and we would very much love your prayers, as well as our precious friend doing more chemo, several friends needing help, friends needing work, even friends needing encouragement, food, extra prayers. It has made for some busy and heavy days, with lots of sunshine in between, and reminders again and again that "eyes on Jesus" is THE only way!

I was so proud of our horse-loving girlie Saturday!

...and our dear friend Natalie getting married, with Miranda and Dawn and their family being so precious to us!

One of the sweet things we thought about Matt missing out on all those years of training pastors instead of BEING one was the sweet hospital visits, the baptisms, the sacred funerals, the life-on-life! That has been such a sweet spot this new season!

Family Dinner continues to be the sweetest, steady spot of the week...though we missed Lady Jane terribly!  Ethan and Lily have officially been playing games and making fun of each other for 10 years in two countries.

Matt is now gone to Nashville until Sunday, his birthday! 

Thank you for your sweet and precious prayers

conquered

This has NOT been an easy week! I have three dear friends who are on the roads of losing their precious fathers and I am convinced (along with my own very mild-form of caretaking this week!) that walking alongside those who are suffering is one of the most humbling, exhausting, taxing, selfless, Christ-dependent parts of life.

The work is largely unseen and thankless and cares not for schedules or needs or feelings. It is continual, and so dark to watch loved ones suffer that it is truly a place where EVERYONE must feel their insufficiency, not just those who are suffering. 

If the cause of death and disease and sickness and pain was worth sending His Son to die for...it MUST be more than we can handle ourselves, and it must be among the ugliest of things. Oh, if He hadn't conquered it--sin and sickness and death--how impossible this life would be! 

All I can cling to is that it is in suffering and walking alongside the suffering that we can most intimately, humbly and hungrily identify with Christ. Sickness and suffering makes us all either bitter, or like the woman who broke the costly perfume on Jesus's feet. Broken, humble, and abandoned to Him...a fragrant aroma. 

Matt led his two Thursday Bible studies yesterday and has been wiped and in pain all night...finally looking up a bit this afternoon! He's had a 4-day retreat scheduled for next week, and hopes to still be able to do that next week!! No rushing healing, is there!?

This weekend is full of precious many kiddos, visiting a friend who just had open-heart surgery, football games, youth group, Sofie's first ever horse show!, a precious bridal shower, and our two churches Sunday morning and Sunday evening. I am so thankful for such rich community...rejoicing, hurting, healing, hoping and holding on.