legacies

Our dear Uncle Harold, Aunt Sharon's Daddy, has been so many places--shared our Haiti roots, took Matt to Russia, worked for the unreached all over Africa--and has finally gone Home. 

No more suffering, no more missing his Mary, no more struggles, no more pain...and also no more precious adventures and conversations and prayers with Harold. The last time I heard Uncle Harold's voice, through the phone when I was talking to Aunt Sharon, she said: "I'm talking to Stacey, Daddy," and I heard him say, "Stacey? She's one of my very favorite writers."  THAT is ridiculous, and yet so pricelessly Harold Brown that I will cherish it forever. Aunt Sharon and Angie had such an incredibly special relationship with their godly father...I feel the ACHE just with them, in my bones. 

Two days before he passed, another dear friend and fellow board member at OMS had a major health setback and died just hours later, and while it is not hard for me to picture energetic and compassionate Rudy at His throne--SO quick to jump in, SO quick to tear up, SO quick to testify His faithfullness--it IS hard to picture him g o n e .

How have I been SO RICH as to touch lives with SO MANY faithful people??

So what we have is Jesus. 

What we have, it Never fails, and He is enough.

What we have is the knowledge of Revelation 22 for our dear ones, reigning forever and ever and ever and just waiting a moment for us. No longer anything accursed (sadness, loneliness, pain, sickness, heartbreak, missing, anxiety), the throne of God flowing the river of the water of life, His servants worshipping Him, seeing His face, His name on their foreheads, no more night, no more darkness. The Lord their light, reigning forever and ever, these words are trustworthy and true.

It doesn't just comfort me. It transforms me. It transforms death. It redeems it. It somehow means that while everything feels SO heavily t.h.e.  e.n.d. with these precious fathers, it is not the end. Not even close. Just the beginning, the beginning of ALWAYS.

And I am SO THANKFUL I have Rudy imprinted forever in my life. I am SO thankful that Uncle Harold's powerful, gentle, abandoned and passionate legacy has been being poured and poured into me for 17 years now. Uncle Martin and Aunt Sharon hemmed our family in because Uncle Harold and Aunt Mary were their parents and that was how they did things, their BIG love and faithful witness passed down. And still does. And always will. Reigning forever and ever.

The broken parts, for Harold and Rudy, are NO more, not even a wince, not even a shadow, not even a painful memory, not even a sigh (Isaiah 35). 

I am SO weary of sickness, brokenness, suffering, sadness and death, and believing SO FULLY that it will be redeemed as if it NEVER was that I cling to Rudy's Hope, Harold's Hope, Mom and Dad's Hope, Granny's Hope, the Hope. 

Eyes on Jesus, Stacey. 

Like Harold's.

the stability of our times

Isaiah has been sustaining me these days, what has you?  It has slowed me down. I am walking it slowly for myself, and I am walking it slowly on behalf of some of you, undergoing deep and wide losses and overshadowing brokenness.

O Lord, be gracious to us; we wait for you.

Be our arm every morning,

our salvation in the time of trouble. 

At the tumultuous noise people flee;

when you lift yourself up, nations are scattered.

The Lord is exalted, for He dwells on high;

He will fill Zion with justice and righteousness,

and he will be the stability of your times,

abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge;

the fear of the Lord is our treasure. 

The effect of righteousness will be peace

and the result of righteousness, quietness and trust forever. 

My people will abide in a peaceful habitation, 

in secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places.

For all the tumultuous "times" this passage has been read the last thousands of years, He will be the stability of our times. He isn't snippets of what we need, but pours out His abundance of salvation, wisdom, knowledge.  Trusting Him, respecting Him, living in awe and fear of Him, is our treasure that cannot be shaken nor taken away. 

Live faithfully with me, family. Watch your words, blessings instead of curses, seek peace and pursue it, speaking only the truth and only in love. Cling to that mustard seed of faith and the effect of righteousness will be peace, quietness and trust. 

Trusting Him with you, today.

Philly Fun

Oh man. It took us a lot longer and a few detours to get home, but we made it and had the best whirlwind days in Philly with the Northams! We did all the things--from Amish country to big city--and had lots of down-time, precious cousin time, lots of laughter and play...just such a joy! Even with the extra overnight in Dallas, we all agreed it was 100 times worth the effort...

Getting away is refreshing, there is nothing like family, and any time the cousins are together I love to sit and watch and listen, especially with people as precious as Lisa and Adam.  I am SO thankful for family, even when everyone is SO far away.

And we are wiped :)

There are a lot of good and kind people out there. Nothing like traveling with five kiddos to bring out the nasty looks...and also the sweetest remarks! I came out of a long 2 travel days with a quart of milk and a dozen doughnuts from a complete stranger, more kindness than frustration, and so many uplifting remarks about the kiddos. When people are patient and gracious with one another, and take a minute to say something uplifting, it just blesses me...because I always need it and it always reminds me of HIM!

Tomorrow I take five kids to Philadelphia, Matt keeps two kids in Jackson, and I sure think I remembered all the socks and snacks and carpools and rental car info and homework and details that both the sides entail....grateful for your prayers and fun pictures ahead, I'm sure.  

SO grateful for a few sweet days with Elisa this weekend and to have Matt home after his bday trip!

I have very few friends I've had as long as Elisa...I am SO THANKFUL for her wisdom and light and faithfulness and JOY in my life! 

the One who sees

We just came from visiting Lady Jane, finally back at home, and Matt's having a great time in Nashville, catching up on some work, writing, reading and resting! His shoulder improves a little each day, and we're almost to a place of him having more use of it than he did before surgery, so I'm very thankful! He'll be home Sunday, and Lord willing with all the weather in Atlanta, Aunt Elisa is hoping to come this weekend! THAT would be priceless...it's been too long! 

This next week the kids and I are heading to Philly for 72 hours to see the other people it's been way too long between seeing....Adam, Lisa and the cousins. I don't need to tell you how excited the kiddos are!  We're double-timing school to take the three days off, and I am SO looking forward to time with my sister!

The Lord, when we look for Him--is always reminding me that He sees me. There have been a lot of moments this week I wasn't sure if I could finish that pile of dishes, get in that car one more time, respond to that sassy teen in a gracious and wise way, get up when that alarm was blaring, or be patient and loving through one more melt down.  So much of mothering (and life!) is being invisible, and yet we are not to Him. 

But one morning Gaga showed up with coffee, and one afternoon right after I texted Lily that I would be an hour late to pick her up from school because I was still at gymnastics with Ben and Nora, Peggy texted out of the blue and asked if Lily needed picked up! My incredibly busy friend is driving six hours to spend the weekend in a noisy guest-room and a noisy house to be with me! Matt works incredibly hard so I can take the kids to see my precious far-off family, and with His Word the Lord soothes and sustains me constantly! I'm grateful.

A few things for you praying warriors! 

-continued strength and peace for Lady Jane, for Matt's shoulder and for our dear friend Betsy, as she continues in difficult chemo and battling and trusting the Lord

-safety and sweet days with Lisa and that traveling adventure with five kiddos

-our foster re-licensing (yes, it's already been 2 years!) is still underway and includes such an investment of time, energy and perseverance (and patience with the system!)...and for the many children throughout Mississippi and the world who desperately need a safe and loving home in which to experience the patient, kind, hopeful, perseverant, never-failing Love of Christ. Continued prayers for our girls

-being a teenager is tough, and Lily-girl just seems to be extra struggling lately...I'd love your prayers for our girl!

-Haiti. Pray for the country, for her beautiful people, and we have been asked to come alongside Emmaus in early spring and we are looking and praying for open doors. We need your prayers and need His wisdom and His open and closed doors and this precious opportunity to come alongside our Haitian brothers and sisters in such a long and ongoing difficult time. 

-our church, Wellspring, is finally wrapping the build-out project and will soon be transitioning to having a building for the first time, meeting in the mornings, a new city, adding a lot of programs, etc., etc....we would love your prayers.  We've got nothing to do but His gracious work of saving souls, and the same truth then is now : the harvest in plentiful. Pray with us, dripping His grace into hard hearts ahead of the laborers! 

sunshine and shadows

Our dear Lady Jane is in the hospital and we would very much love your prayers, as well as our precious friend doing more chemo, several friends needing help, friends needing work, even friends needing encouragement, food, extra prayers. It has made for some busy and heavy days, with lots of sunshine in between, and reminders again and again that "eyes on Jesus" is THE only way!

I was so proud of our horse-loving girlie Saturday!

...and our dear friend Natalie getting married, with Miranda and Dawn and their family being so precious to us!

One of the sweet things we thought about Matt missing out on all those years of training pastors instead of BEING one was the sweet hospital visits, the baptisms, the sacred funerals, the life-on-life! That has been such a sweet spot this new season!

Family Dinner continues to be the sweetest, steady spot of the week...though we missed Lady Jane terribly!  Ethan and Lily have officially been playing games and making fun of each other for 10 years in two countries.

Matt is now gone to Nashville until Sunday, his birthday! 

Thank you for your sweet and precious prayers

conquered

This has NOT been an easy week! I have three dear friends who are on the roads of losing their precious fathers and I am convinced (along with my own very mild-form of caretaking this week!) that walking alongside those who are suffering is one of the most humbling, exhausting, taxing, selfless, Christ-dependent parts of life.

The work is largely unseen and thankless and cares not for schedules or needs or feelings. It is continual, and so dark to watch loved ones suffer that it is truly a place where EVERYONE must feel their insufficiency, not just those who are suffering. 

If the cause of death and disease and sickness and pain was worth sending His Son to die for...it MUST be more than we can handle ourselves, and it must be among the ugliest of things. Oh, if He hadn't conquered it--sin and sickness and death--how impossible this life would be! 

All I can cling to is that it is in suffering and walking alongside the suffering that we can most intimately, humbly and hungrily identify with Christ. Sickness and suffering makes us all either bitter, or like the woman who broke the costly perfume on Jesus's feet. Broken, humble, and abandoned to Him...a fragrant aroma. 

Matt led his two Thursday Bible studies yesterday and has been wiped and in pain all night...finally looking up a bit this afternoon! He's had a 4-day retreat scheduled for next week, and hopes to still be able to do that next week!! No rushing healing, is there!?

This weekend is full of precious many kiddos, visiting a friend who just had open-heart surgery, football games, youth group, Sofie's first ever horse show!, a precious bridal shower, and our two churches Sunday morning and Sunday evening. I am so thankful for such rich community...rejoicing, hurting, healing, hoping and holding on.

let it in

Thank you for your prayers for Matt!  That was not a fun day of surgery yesterday, and the pain and nausea haven't been very fun since. The tears and damage were far more extensive than they had expected, and the surgeon couldn't do anything about all the arthritis in his shoulders that probably comes from years of competitive swimming. But Matt is all patched and enduring through these first few days of recovery. 

It was scheduled so rapidly that we had a full schedule still for this week. He thought he'd be doing better than he is, and offers for help I was politely turning down a few days ago we are relying on today.

Ms. Peggy is off to horseback riding with Sofie, Gaga has added extra hours and patience and help to her homeschool help, Morgan brought us dinner last night despite being told no, our PT neighbor has been checking in and was caught red-handed with a broom at one point, and Maggie and Miller have been taking Lily to school. 

Sweetest of all, Betsy, the friend we have been praying for urgently on our knees, day in and day out and weeks and months, dropped in to check on Matt and blessed me deeply with 30 minutes of her friendship and heart and road. 

I do not like needing help. And yet. When it comes anyway, and it is so beautiful and cheerful and kind and comforting and honest, it just keeps it all together. When I gather the kids for bedtime prayers and they add to my list of "all the people who prayed for us and helped us today", I'm so rich by the amen it makes my eyes wet. 

If we had family within 12 hours, they would fill our gaps! Man alive, has the Lord shown up again and again through the filling of gaps with HIS family. As He has many times in Mississippi. As He did many many times in Haiti. As He has many times through our losses. 

Keep praying for Matty, and whatever hard season you may be going through...let in some help. It's letting in Jesus, whether it is soup or a prayer or a load of laundry...and we all need more of that!

weaknesses

Our main man has been sleeping in Lady Jane's easy chair she let us borrow when Emma was born for months now, and after a MRI yesterday the doctor sees no route around posterior labral surgery on Matt's shoulder. Somehow it is scheduled rapidly for Monday, so we are getting ready for him to be one-non-dominate-handed for a 12-week recovery.  Praying this will give him back all the use of his shoulder he has lost these months and a relief from all the pain he's been pushing through!

Last week he moved from his borrowed church office (the man who owned the office building sold it) to Emma's room/now office for the next months, and when the new church build-out is done, he should be almost recovered and ready to move again! 

All the kiddos are busy with school, theater for Lily, horses for Sofie, and gymnastics for Nora and Ben (we told them each one thing plus school plus friends plus church, and we have stuck with it!) There are neighbor kiddos in our house and yard...always...and so friends and creative games (this week Roman soldiers living in the jungle-back-yard trading golden acorns and raising pine-cone chickens) fill all the quiet moments. 

It's a happy house even if not a quiet one, and the Lord has really helped me this season to discern our no's and yes's for the best pace. I'm not saying it's calm, but we are not running ragged, we are having dinner together almost every night, Monday night Family Dinner is sweet, our Saturdays have become a true Sabbath as Sundays are full of beautiful work, and Matt continues to be busy, but HOME every night and present. 

We are in the lengthy process of renewing our fostering license (I cannot believe we've been licensed for two years!) and continue to have our bonus girlies in our lives several times a week. I am incredibly thankful for this, and while nothing has been easy about this ministry, the kiddos are EASY to love, and love is something we have in abundance. 

Matt knew he had the teaching part of pastoring down, but it's been true joy walking together in the pastoral parts. Praying with people, visiting people, having people for dinner...all the life-on-life stuff is so good and rich. I'm thankful for a ministry season I can do with Matt, and he leads the way so well.

The Lord is on the throne. Mighty is His hand.  

I'm more and more convinced that our focus on hiding or overcoming our weaknesses is not HIS. He identified with us in His weakness. We can identify with Him in ours. 

Instead of battling with our weaknesses or resenting them or hiding them, perhaps embracing His grace in them and learning, as Paul did, to be content is His greater work.  Content in our weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and calamities (2 Cor. 12)...sharing them openly with one another...the broken woman blessing Jesus by pouring her broken-self out with abandon upon His about-to-be-pierced feet. 

Perhaps the places where His grace is desperately needed and sufficient for us are the places in our lives that are most fragrant unto Him.  Not the most comfortable places. But the most fragrant. Perhaps our weaknesses are what He can actually USE. Perhaps those are the places He wants us to STOP shielding from one another and instead share. 

That is the Ayars season, this pastoring season, this recovery season. His power poured out in our weakness. Where are you this season? And how can we be praying?

staceyhaiti@gmail.com

Where you are weak, today, may He be strong!

10-fold in Him

If you're feeling stuck...or if you are discouraged....or if you're not sure where to go from here...or if you are bone-weary...if you're spinning circles or praying for the same things, again...

I up and decided these 40 days I'm spending a non-negotiable first full-hour in His Word and prayer. I've got my to-do list to the side to write down distractions, I set up Mr. Coffee the night before, and before the BEN gets up in our household? It is BEFORE. 

But those hours in Matthew, Hosea, Amos, 2 Kings, Psalms and Isaiah this week?

Sacred priceless.

It is amazing how starting the day with an hour of His perspective makes the day entirely different. How sticking with that every day makes the week entirely different. How that which felt poor a week ago feels rich. How that which felt heavy a week ago is hard to remember the weight of. How that which seemed hopeless has grown strangely dim. 

I know we all know this. 

So why do I forget and get into "squeeze His Word in where I can" seasons?  

Whatever I have lost in sleep, I have surely made up 10-fold in Him. 

Psalm 139 the kids are memorizing, and it tells us He in before us, and follows us, and that His hand of blessing is on our heads. 

In Matthew, Jesus tells us a hundred times that our sacrifices and efforts matter to Him SO much less than justice and mercy and faithfulness. 

In Revelation, our Mighty God is on the throne and WILL bring justice.

2nd Chronicles that the battle is not ours but Gods.

Isaiah that His hand is NOT short. 

Don't we forget?

If He has us THAT hemmed in, family, don't we want to remember it? What His priorities are, don't we want to match them? What He is in control of, don't we want to not battle for? Who He truly is, don't we want to look to, again and again? That which He is showing us...don't we want to SEE? That which mighty God of the universe is saying, don't we want to HEAR?

Pick a week, 10 days, a month, 40 days, and join me. Pick a reading plan or a book of the Bible and don't stop 'till the time ends...Give reading His Word a full, uninterrupted hour, and tell me next week what He's shown you.

Yes, God is always here with us. 

But when we show up...He does, too.

Sometimes we feel God has been silent when our Bible has been closed.