listen

It sure was easier back home in Haiti writing about what I was learning!  I was spanning cultures, languages, circles, experiences...making them easier to share.

Here, it all overlaps, and I just can't share as freely what I'm learning, what the challenges and gifts are, how I'm growing and how it's going. Writing's always been how I process, and I've just not been able to do it as openly these state-side seasons. 

But Greg Benson's words are always in my mind during hard seasons, with that annoying but gentle smile  on his face after giving me a few moments to vent or bawl:  So, what's He teaching you? 

He's teaching me to listen to Him. 

He is closer than we think...right down IN the nitty gritty. There is One who knows, One who really sees, One who understands and identifies, and it's His breath in our lungs.  In the times we can't explain, in the times we can't defend, in the times we can't fight, in the times we don't even have the words to pray...He is w-i-t-h us. Mighty God. Tender Father. Precious Friend.

And I'm realizing that He's always speaking. It's been such a heavy season that I've found myself talking to Him continually, asking Him question upon question...asking for help, for clarity, for eyes to see. And He has spoken. Again and again. My thoughts have been going down one road, and suddenly a vision of something entirely different fills my heart. With it comes a gentle flood of peace.  Not a million details. Not an answer to all the questions, but here, hold THIS.  

One by one, I have watched the peace He's given me materialize. Many times the last weeks I have told Matt, "I know this doesn't make sense, and I know it doesn't look like it, but I promise He was clear. He is doing such and such, and we've got to trust Him."

And He IS. He's speaking, still small voice, peace that passes understanding, and we SO often miss it because we are worrying / planning / depressed / distracted / self-medicating / panicking.  

And He has given us His Word to feed, sustain and help us...and we're not taking advantage of it. We can't cite it when we don't know it. We can't cling to it when we're not in it. We can't use it if we're not carrying it, and we can't be satisfied by it if we're not eating it.