a life-giving slap of {HIS} reality

The power goes out and the thick black air is hot and irritating around me. 

I am SO tired and can't sweaty-sleep.  

First thing, Sofie dumps her juice all over Lily.  

An hour later, Lily dumps her juice all over the bed.  

That I washed YESTERDAY.
The dog jumped though our barred porch while we were gone and shredded NASTY dirty diapers all OVER my house and in the carpet.
I sit down for my devotions and someone colored on a page of my Bible and I reach for my favorite pen and someone has snapped the point off and I am ink stained.  

Our team of friends and next door neighbors are all at the beach and we are left behind at work.  

No matter HOW MUCH I clean up, it is never clean!

Pretty sure no one asked how my day was yesterday.  

No one appreciates the thousands of little things I do everyday.  

In fact, (it always snowballs) no one really cares about me at all.

I'm not brilliant like Matt or important like the students 

or fun like I used to be.  

Most of my day is filled with dishes and dressing, 

cooking and cleaning, 

grading and balancing, 

boogies and boo-boos, 

playing zoo and doing laundry.

In the dark, with rare tears on my pillow, I am feeling miserably sorry for myself and the pathetic situation I am in (ever been there?), when--

by the grace of a Gracious God--

His quiet reality hits me, unexpectedly and fully.

I am not nearly as dead as I want to be.  

I'm not NEARLY as dead as He died for me to be.  

The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified.  

Truly, truly, unless a grain of wheat falls to the earth and dies, 

it remains alone; 

but if it dies, it bears much fruit.  

He who loves his life will lose it, 

and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal. 

If anyone serves Me, he must FOLLOW me."  

John 12:23-26

It was for freedom that He set me free, and yet here I am, still trying to cling to the slavery of my own life.  Of sin.  Still trying to love my life.  Still trying to serve Him and follow ME.  

Here I am at almost 30: still thinking about STACEY.

I'm not thinking about identifying with Christ.  I'm thinking about being appreciated.  I'm not thinking about being joyfully poured out as a drink offering to toddlers, to students, to neighbors, to visitors, to strangers.  I'm thinking about how they're not caring enough about me.

What a TRAP!

Here I am, sitting in the garden with Adam and Eve from Lily's toddler Bible. 

"All the stars and mountains and oceans and galaxies and everything were nothing compared to how much God loved His children.  He would move heaven and earth to be near them.  Always.  Whatever happened, whatever it cost Him, He would always love them.  And they were lovely, because He loved them...."

I am fully loved.  Fully lovely because of His love.  Everything I need, everything I could ever ask for, everything I could EVER dream, I have already found in Him! 

And yet, here I was, also like Adam and Eve, trying to make myself happy without Him, knowing full well that there is no. such. thing.

Like Adam and Eve, all over again, I am.  Not just breaking a rule by loving something more than Him (myself), but breaking God's very heart, forgetting my wonderful relationship with Him by focusing instead on me.

It is, as John says, he who HATES his life in this world who will keep it...he who dies to himself as He died to Himself who truly lives.

I'm not NEARLY as dead as I want to be.  

By the grace of God, I have no rights.  I am His.  I have no rights, no merits.  I deserve no thanks, no gratitude, no appreciation.  I deserve one thing, just like every one since Adam and Eve.  

Just death.  

And yet by His grace and HIS death, I have found new life, and by His grace, I don't have to live anymore slave to my rights and my justice and my merit.  Slave to what anyone thinks...not even ME.

It's all because of Him.  All of me is His.  Anything good is because He is good.  

Any chance I have to be walked on, abused, persecuted, or more frequently, just looked over, ignored or unappreciated, is a BEAUTIFUL gift-opportunity to identify with Christ...and to remind myself (not as a coping mechanism, but as TRUTH) that every boogie wiped, every lion tamed, ever salad chopped, every paper graded, every conversation had, every account explained, every boo-boo kissed, every story read, every coffee brewed, every spill swept, every visitor served, every dollar given is an opportunity to DO IT UNTO HIM.

An opportunity to commune with GOD and to LOVE Him and to be loved by Him.

"For this reason, I say to you, do not worry about your life.  

For all these things all the nations of the world will eagerly seek; 

but seek instead His kingdom.  

Do not be afraid, little flock, 

for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom.

Sell it all, let it go...

for where your treasure is, 

there will your heart be also."  Luke 12:33

Such a happy heart is mine following the slap of His reality last night.  

I  KNOW that receiving more of myself, or of others, is NOT the treasure that I want.  He has been helping me happily die today to the selfish and unsatisfyingly empty "treasures" of appreciation and the value the nations seek.

I want His heart, His pleasure, His glory.  

I want His Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.  

And I have it.

HE is my treasure, and my portion forever.  

Thank you, God, for reminding me,

 and for bringing me back to Yourself.  

Your voice is so much greater than my own...

and I desire it to be louder than my own, as well.

something of great value

It is the work that God does through us that counts.

All that our Lord gives His attention to in a person's life 

is that person's relationship with God--

something of great value to His Father.

O.Chambers

school days

The new school year has started SO well...and SO busy!  

Both visiting professors have arrived, meaning Matt can get back to starting things off in the right direction: renewing employee contracts, staff meetings, working with the administration on supporting a few new policies, etc.  

Jerry and Leroy have both taught here before, so they are off!  Jerry's teaching the Synoptic Gospels to first year, and Leroy has 2nd and 4th year (due to another VP having to cancel last moment) for Wisdom Literature.  Third year has Saint-Martin and they're studying pedagogy together: the practice of teaching.

Also, a small team from NorthRidge Church in Sabetha arrived on the first day of school, so we threw a little extra cooking and touring into the mix...it's been a very busy week so far!

Praises made obvious so far...
     -There were a several repeating issues of complaining, rebellion and attitude in a few members of last year's fourth year class.  These attributes quickly permeated the sense of the year.  
     This year, there is a whole new spirit.  A spirit of hard-work, buckling down, taking responsibility, contentment, joy at being a part of EBS, urgency for the need of the Gospel in Haiti...  What a praise, and testimony of work in the heart that only He can do.  

     -Emmaus has always had great staff members, but we are just really feeling blessed and impressed lately by the attitudes, work-ethics, wisdom and carry-through of our staff.  Each year, we have witnessed members grow and mature, and it's been a joy for Matt, especially, to be able to say in several complicated situations, "What do YOU all think?" and to receive wise and godly feedback and results.  

     -As crazy as this time of the year is for a team, it's been great to have Charlie, Hannah, John, Emily and Jerry here, as well as Visiting Professors Jerry and Leroy.  Plus, NorthRidge always comes bearing gifts...we have olive oil and sidewalk chalk once more :)  It is great to be joined by these parts of our family!

Prayers made obvious so far...
      -As always, PAYING for education is very difficult in Haiti, and many of our students are--and have been--really working hard to find their tuition payments.  While we've split the payments up, and continue to offer a work/study program to help with costs, paying for anything extra is always a challenge for most people.  
      Our first year class especially is having a very difficult time finding the funds.  We know that He who calls is faithful, and we're praying together with the students and trusting Him to provide the funds for those He desires to study here at this time.  

      -Following the death of our night watchman in the spring has come many of the lies, fears and accusations that you might expect from a community still living largely in darkness and still asking Satan for direction and help.  Matt has been in a slew of meetings regarding this so far, and we're asking for your prayers for wisdom and courage as the administration works to make Him known in this situation and to take a stand against cultural-norms that are NOT Biblical-norms.


After a long hot summer of empty halls and dusty desks, it is a joy to have disciples around us once more, all of us working together to grow transformed, Bible-based, pouring-out disciples, by His grace!

random blog of the month

I know.  I have already written a "random blog of the month".  But I have a bunch of small things to share with you, none of which can make up a whole post.

I bravely placed (ok, tossed) this quarter next to the papa toad who comes to our door every night to show you how big he is...he is HUGE.

Like 6 months ago, our good friend Sharon got us this pineapple cutter because skinning and coring and cutting up a pineapple takes SO. MUCH. TIME.  There is not a lot of fruit to choose from here: mangoes, bananas, oranges, papayas and pineapple over and over and over, but I still hated picking up a pineapple because they were so time consuming.  

I am NOT exaggerating...this thing successfully skins, cores AND chops into bite-sized pieces an entire pineapple in LESS than a minute.  It is fabulous.  I am excited about it every time I use it.  

 ***

Good news:  Nanny Noel found out this weekend that she successfully passed her final exams, meaning she is done with high school! (no easy feat in Haiti, let me tell you!)

Bad news:  Nanny Noel is insistent that she wants to be a nurse, and that she must go to a school in Port-au-Prince.  We may be losing our Nanny.

Other Bad news:  Stacey can barely say no to strangers.  There is no way this dream is not going to cost us a pretty penny.  And take our nanny.

Rainy day hopscotch...

'till So-so-so-bad-sofie realized it was tape :)

But Lily loves her anyway.

***

A few days ago, Jerry came all the way from New York and brought us real maple syrup!  OH, so good, and inspired me to try this recipe out tonight for a different Jerry...It was awesome and SO easy!  THANK YOU JERRY!!

Thank you for all of the encouraging emails regarding Baron.  If you are interested in getting involved with Ezekiel's church or school in Baron, shoot me an email.  

See the baby tarantula?  Junior somehow saw this guy on a bush as we hiked past last weekend.  I know he's way smaller than a full-grown, but...they still creep me out.

ALL over the countryside to Baron, there was bamboo growing like this straight up in the sky, some almost 20 feet high!  REALLY cool.

 some harvest drying in the sun from Baron...

 and in the town of Baron, I saw this...Far back, a huge pile of green sour oranges (no orange oranges in Haiti.  weird, right? are orange oranges dyed?)  middle, the slices of orange, and front, the skins, drying in the sun.  I asked what all this was for, and was told "to make homemade fuel."  ???

 Rainy day Saturday started with rubber stamping...which quickly turned

into this :)

***

One of our VP's made it safely in, and the other is still stranded in Florida, thank you Isaac.  And tomorrow is the First Day of Class (all caps 'cause it's like a holiday around here :)  SO, Matt will be starting out Wisdom Literature until Leroy can get here!  

***

We had a great, Great, GREAT student orientation and retreat.  We are all (staff) REALLY excited about the student body God's put together, and this was the first year that we can honestly say that there were NO complaints, NO attitudes, just joy and thanksgiving and some really good theological debates!  A group of students reported yesterday that orientation this year "was really fun", which, well, that's just awesome. 

***

Also thanks to a rainy day, we made our favorite soft-pretzels (well, like favorite homemade.  If there were an Auntie Ann's...)  If, like us, you are in a soft-pretzel free country (so sad) try 'em out, but use only 4 cups flour, not 5!

My sister and brother-in-law Adam are moving!  They found a cute new house in Denver, and as glad as I am to be right where I am, I SURE wish I were in Denver to help her move :(

the end.

haven't been more updates because there is nothing to share!  We had light rains until noon yesterday, and it's been sunny ever since...and there was NEVER any wind.  Sounds like it was worse in the South, but as for here, "hurricane season" hasn't started yet.  Thanks for prayers!

update 2

It's raining now and has been since a little after midnight, but not too hard, and no real wind.  We've had to reschedule staff retreat as that no one wants to ride in the back of an open truck to go swimming today!  We're still waiting to hear if our VP's flight will happen later today or at a different time.  All is well.

quick update

We have heard everywhere of this hurricane, but promise you that as of yet (6 pm, Friday night) we have had nothing more than a fleeting sprinkle.  We are in bad need of rain, so some rain would be great, but as of yet, just threatening news, and nothing to speak of.  

We have a visiting professor supposed to be flying in tomorrow, a small Kansas team flying in Monday, and staff retreat tomorrow, so we'll keep you posted on weather and how all is fairing.

Thanks for your prayers, as always!

(Meanwhile, the past two days we have had just the BEST student orientation and retreat!)

BARON: the uneducated

Not long after the church started growing and blooming on it’s dry patch of sand, another need for Christ quickly pushed to the surface…the children.

Even twenty years after Ezekiel had been a child in Baron, there was STILL no school on the mountain, and the few children that DO have an opportunity for education are still forced to make the long descent down the mountain to the village.  There, they attend the village’s only school, the same Catholic school Ezekiel was privileged to attend. 

“Catholic” in Haiti is quite different from “Catholic” where you may be from, and as more people were coming to Christ on the mountain, the need for having a school where the kids could learn about Jesus and the Bible--not about animism and syncretism--was pressing. 

Once again, a major ministry need stood before Ezekiel.  As overwhelming as it was to even consider starting a school, Ezekiel gave it to the Lord, and as more and more children came to the church and to him to learn about Christ, he felt the Lord give it back to him.

“So we started a school,” Ezekiel told me. 

“Which is….where?” I asked hesitantly, not sure if I could physically withstand an additional treck.

“Well, it’s here, of course,” said Ezekiel, pointing around the now empty church. 

“Yes, but you told me you have 150 students,” I responded.

“Yep.”  said Ezekiel.

“You have 150 students in HERE, all at the same time?”

“Yep.  I’ll show you.”

So we stood, he pointed to a few panels that looked a bit like chalkboards and said they use them to “divide” the tiny room into four parts. 

“Preschool, back room, Kindergarten, the room where I sleep back there, then 1^st grade, here, 2^nd grade HERE, 3^rd grade HERE…” he showed me, motioning towards each corner of the room with the small chalkboard thing making the divisions, “4^th grade HERE, 5^th grade out there, and 6^th grade, outside.”

I’m sure my face expressed what I was thinking.  You have GOT to be kidding me.

I pictured 150 little ones, 8 teachers, all teaching a different lesson, all in the same room, all at the same time.

“Look,” Ezekiel said, reading my baffled countenance.  “I know it’s not ideal.  I know it’s not great.  But there is no other Christian school.  There is NO other school at ALL.  NONE of the children going to this school can afford to go to the Catholic school in town.  They would NEVER receive an education, much less one in Christ.”

“It’s not the best.  But it’s more than this mountain top has EVER had, and it’s affordable.  And we’re able to spread the Gospel to the children of the mountain and therefore also reach their parents.”

The way Ezekiel jumped to defend this ministry touched my heart deeply.

This wasn’t just a thing God put before him that Ezekiel was wishy-washy half-hearted to attend.  God placed it before him, just as He had the church, just as He had Baron, and though it wasn’t Ezekiel’s personal dream, he had given God his all. 

I realized that he loved this little school, and loves these little children.  He loves the church, he loves the community. 

It IS JUST as God has ASKED us to do His will for our lives.  No reserve, no timidity, but boldly, with great love, to the best of our ability, pouring ourselves out like a drink offering.

I ask him what “affordable” means.  He tells me each child pays (or tries to pay) 500 gourdes for the entire school year…$12.19 US.  There are 8 teachers and a director.  School is 9 months long. 

I quickly do the math.  500 gourdes X 150 kids (IF they all pay).  Divided by 8 teachers and the director (so, 9) who runs the school when Ezekiel is gone or working on the church.  And community development.  And discipleship.  And evangelism.  And providing for his OWN family.   

So, 75,000 for the year, divided by 9 staff, divided by 12 months, that’s 694 gourdes each per month…$16.93 USD.  About 56 cents a DAY.

 The 5th & 6th grade building, still being built

That is IF IF IF the school has NO expenses outside of their 9 staff. 

But then, at the MINIMUM, what about benches?  Chalk?  Supplies? Papers?  Repairs?  

I am overwhelmed for the 10^th time that day. 

 the school bathroom

Ezekiel does this drive and hike every single week?  He built, and works, at this church every single week?  He pours out on these people, who cannot pay him a penny, nor read, nor even often feed him, every single week?  He then oversees the school, and tries to pay the teachers, and tries to care for the children, and tries to do the very best that he can, every single week?  And his teachers teach 30-40 hours a week classes of 20 children in a wood hut with a dirt floor for about 9 cents an HOUR?

“Oh, let me tell you something exciting!” Ezekiel tells me, cutting through my buzzing brain.

the soccer field, of course!

“So many people here are so frustrated that they cannot read the Bible for themselves, and so we’ve been teaching the children at the school to read so they can read for their families.  But there is still a strong desire here for people to read the Word for themselves and to teach their children the Word.”

“So last semester,” Ezekiel continues, “I spoke to our teachers, and they started teaching adults in the afternoons just how to read.”  (School is from 7 am-noon). 

“And all of the gran-moun were just loving it (older people), so we will continue that again this year, too, a reading school for adults in the afternoons.  It means so much to people who have never been able to be educated to learn to read, and for new believers to be able to read the Bible for themselves!  You know?”

By this point, I was ready to move INTO the hut next door, live in the shirt and skirt I was wearing, receive no pay whatsoever, and teach, preach, help, care for and love this community until the day I died of either starvation, exhaustion or persecution. 

Like Ezekiel. 

No.  Like JESUS.

BARON: the unreached

Before long, people all over the mountain top were asking about this Son of God.  Though literacy is rare, the stories and passages Ezekiel read from the Word were passing house to house like fire in the drought season.

The new believers quickly outgrew his parents small hut, and a sandy piece of property owned by one of the new believers was given over for a church.

Piece by piece the wood was split and smoothed by men in the “church”, and in about a month, Ezekiel and his father had built this small place of worship.  The twal was brought up from the village below shiny piece by piece, and soon the church had it’s cover from the blazing sun. 

Sunday, I saw a lot of things I’ve never seen before, but one of the most beautiful was Cher Pas (Dear Pastor) standing before the crowded church of 50-60 believers in an attitude no different than the attitude of the man I had just spent 5 hours driving and hiking with. 

Ezekiel was Ezekiel, and with no fancy speech and no pompous display, he jumped right into greeting his family and joining them in prayer. AND, he preached in jeans.

I know your pastor might preach in jeans, and I know a lot of pastors do.  In other countries.

But I swear to you that in five years, I have NEVER seen a Haitian pastor preach in jeans, much less wear jeans in church.  If you are important, you dress like you are important, and that is that. 

We have struggled for years over the cultural expectancy that you will NOT go to church if you can’t arrive in fine dress and shiny shoes.  To see dirty, sweaty, jeaned Ezekiel stand before his family just as he was meant others in the church…others who have never had shiny shoes and never will…could praise the Lord as they were, too.

And they did.  We did.  As we were.  I wore $1.25 Old Navy sandals for the whole hike up the mountain, and I wore $1.25 Old Navy sandals the whole service.  Lots of people weren’t wearing shoes at all, and I didn’t get the sense that anyone thought God cared.

“You all know the story of the woman who was bleeding!” Ezekiel shared right at the start of the service, paper chains and flowers blowing gently in the slight breeze overhead. 

“She was bleeding, oh, for such a long time.  Every day, suffering.  And when she left her home that morning in search of Jesus, she had one motivation.  There was just one thing she wanted to do…and that was touch Jesus.  She didn't get anything else in her mind.”

“If you came here this morning,” he shared humbly and matter-of-factly with the congregation “with any other motivation, you will most definitely leave here disappointed.”

“But if we come together today to touch Jesus, and to be touched by Him, trusting and knowing that He is all we need, then we will be satisfied deeply in Him.  Amen? Amen.”

Noel led us in worship after Ezekiel prayed, and with more and more people joining me on the rickety school bench I perched on, I had a surreal moment.

How did I get here???  I am a prissy girl from Ohio.  I was going to be a ballerina.  Then a musician.  Then a journalist.  I love Rocky Road.  I love Cincinnati Reds games, heated seats, log cabins, penguins.  I don’t remember not being able to read.  I've had Lasik.  I went to a tiny high school and a tiny college in a tiny town in Kentucky.  I’ve been to Paris, to London.  I have a major obsession with holiday themed candy, I’ve been white-water rafting, I have a major problem of calling people by nicknames they never gave me permission to use, I was a vegetarian for years, I wanted to change the world.

And here I sat.  Crammed on a broken bench in a filthy skirt, dripping sweat. On the tippy top of a mountain a million miles from…anything.  Singing my heart out with family I just met in a language I didn't know existed a few years ago, nothing with me but my battered camera and a dirty bottle of hot water the four of us had been sharing all day.

Like Ezekiel, this wasn’t what I had planned.  And yet, I was, I am completely and totally and joyfully satisfied by His presence.

And here it was, just as Ezekiel said...at some point in my life, I realized that more than anything else, I just wanted to touch Him, and be touched by Him, and reach for Him with my brothers and sisters.

Behold, family, our brothers and sisters.  Bought with the same blood.  Freed by the same price.  What a unity we have found in Him.  What a deep joy, to be His.

Junior quickly snapped me out of my heart wanderings, stepping to the front of the church with a huge bloody piece of cloth wrapped around his thumb, a small ladder and Bible in his hand, quickly jumping into 2^nd Peter 1.

“You see verse 5?” Junior asked, with all the humility just displayed by Ezekiel but with the power of the Holy Spirit that comes out through Junior if you can get him to preach.  “Make every effort.  Apply all diligence.  We've got work to do!”

“Yes, we died to our sin and received His forgiveness and have new life in Him and will spend eternity with Him.”  

“But we are not finished.  He is not finished!  We must spend every one of our days making every effort to be like Him…to live like Him!”

He then pulled out his ladder--which I later learned had caused him to machete through his thumb in the making--and starting with verse 5, went through all the qualities God asks us to strive for in our journeys with Him, using each rung of the ladder to help us visualize these stages in holy living.

Moral excellence, knowledge, self-control.  Perseverance, godliness, kindness, love.  He elaborated on each one, pulling other passages from Scripture into each description, bringing to life what these things are and look like, repeating them over and over pointing to the rungs of the ladder, knowing he was sharing with a largely illiterate audience who would have to put to memory the passage.

For as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble.

Ezekiel, who never gets a turn to sit on the other side of the pulpit, was visibly moved and encouraged by the hour of intense feeding, and all I could think of as Junior finished frape kè m was, “I have BEEN to church today!”

I closed us out in prayer, blessed by His presence and the presence of those around me, and then spent a few minutes meeting some of the people now overflowing the tiny church. 

Thirty minutes later we sat around a little bench with heaping plates of greasy rice and…meat-ish-something, and Ezekiel couldn’t stop grinning.

“I thought Junior, Stacey, Noel coming was the blessing of the day.  But that was only the beginning.  Junior, you must share that message everywhere.  We must continue to preach the Gospel.   Look.” Ezekiel urged, voice going soft, emphatically pulling the three of us into a huddle like he had a secret to share.

“We must continue studying and preaching the Gospel.  It is all that we have to offer.  All that we have to offer rich city people, poor mountain people.  It’s all we have, it’s all we need.  We must continue, yes.  Let’s continue!  We can’t grow faint.”

He looked solemnly into our eyes as we made a hearty silent pact and returned to our rice. 

What I had hoped we might in some small way be able to give Ezekiel--encouragement--he had miraculously received in a powerful way.