parents and plans

"Do you like being a mom?" a nurse randomly asked me yesterday, and I quickly answered "Love it."

"Until they're sick."

Man, it's just got to be the worst thing in the world, seeing your child not doing well in any way: physically, emotionally, spiritually...and not being able to trade places with them, not being able to fix it, not really being able to help.  The only redeeming factors I can think of is that

1) it puts us in a common-hood with the Father God that I just didn't understand before...His unwaveringly, unconditional love for each of us, His mega-desire to just spend time with us, His heartbreak over our heartbreak or our choices or how we live, and that

2) there seems to be nothing that gives us a better opportunity to really consider and truly determine to rely on the Lord fully than to give Him (and give Him and give Him) our children as HIS to care for, provide for, raise up, guide and direct, Father and love.

I'm so thankful that we have ruled out some major issues that Sofie might have had, though she's still not acting herself and is still causing some concern...It might be a long road to figure out exactly what is going on with such a little one and so many possibilities!   Lactose intolerance? Some kind of allergy or virus? I don't know!  But He does, and we've gotten so many big toothless smiles from this little one today that I am just thankful.

Meanwhile, tonight is a night we've been looking forward to for a while...we have the chance to be at and speak at Seeds of Greatness, one of our supporting churches.  Being at SOG is always such an encouragement to us both and we can't wait to be back there tonight!

Tomorrow Matt's going golfing with the guys and we're spending the late afternoon and evening at Uncle Don's.  Friday, the family is going to a children's amusement park called Dutch Wonderland, and while I'm going to HATE missing out on Lily's experience, I'm afraid there's no way Miss Sofie's going to be quite ready for an amusement park!

We have a few more friends and family to see over the next few days, and suddenly we realize our time in DE is winding down.  We plan to spend NO more time in the hospital and as much time as possible with our East coast friends and family...

We want to thank so many of you for your priceless prayers and emails...we're incredibly grateful and blessed to have you in our lives.

Sofie update

sofie update

Busy, busy...prayers please

What a great and crazy busy weekend!  We spent all day Saturday at Uncle Don's and got to see almost every single person, and their families, who have been to Haiti in the last five years from New Jersey!  It was GREAT...plus awesome food (ribs! wings!  slushie machine...Lily's favorite!)...great weather, a beautiful house and pool, and fantastic people!

 Pastor Doug and his wife Julie

 Lily ADORED being one of the kids, and mostly just followed them around and did whatever they did, even if that meant eating at least 10 cookies :)

 Matt's brother Casey and Nico, and Lily dragging Uncle Don around :)

This morning Matt preached three services at two different churches, Sharptown and Sharptown North, then we spent most of the afternoon with Doug and Julie.

UPDATE...After some concerns with Sofie the last two days, we took her to see a good pediatrician friend and are now at the ER doing a slew of tests, poor girl. Please be praying for us and we'll get you an update as soon as we know something through Lil and Sofie's blog. THANK YOU.

our East coast family...

We had good time Monday with my grandparents, and it was a joy to have my grandpa back out of the hospital and doing pretty well...Grandpa's belly has been a favorite place for grand and great-grand kids throughout the years--Sofie agreed.

 Grandpa and Sofie....and Grandpa and Lily a few years ago!

We arrived in Delaware Tuesday afternoon and right in the middle of our dear nephew Nico having a major allergic reaction to his first taste of peanuts...that was a scary first evening!  After some time in the ER, he is back to normal with a bag full of meds...so thankful that he is ok, doesn't remember a thing (if only that was true for his parents!) and that close medical care was available!

Wednesday, Grandmom Kay got to meet her newest grandbaby, pictured here with Sofie, and with Lily a few years ago.  Wish very much that PopPop were here to meet Sofie, too...he was always overjoyed with Lily (pictured below) and was always such an unconditional encouragement to Matt and I.  

 Thursday Matt and his dad had a chance to go golfing, and today, Casey, Laura, Nico, Matt, Sofie, Lily and I got to go to an indoor play place that Lily just loved.

We've been looking forward for weeks to tomorrow!  Uncle Don and Aunt Brenda are hosting a big pool party at their place for the Sharptown team that came down to Haiti to help us out just a few months ago!  We are very excited to catch up with this dear group of friends, as well as meet their families and catch up with some other friends, too.  And Lily, of course, is just pumped about the opportunity to "swim like a shark with Uncle Don."

It's always really enjoyable for Matt and I to spend time with people who have been to Haiti and loved it (or didn't love it...either way :).  The general public tends to think we're freaks, and spending time with people who have been to Haiti and "get it" is a lot of fun!  Can't wait...

THEN, Sunday we get to finally attend the church that we call home, Sharptown UMC, and Matt will be preaching a few times there!  Busy weekend...

why?

We’ve gotten the same question a few times recently:  “There are so many poor people, people that need help, and people who need to hear the Gospel HERE.  Why do you have to take your kids and work  in Haiti when there is so much to do here?”

We could, of course, argue for the fact that Haiti is a fourth world country, one of 49 in the world, meaning that it has one of the lowest human development index ratings.  This means that the national average for income is less than $750 US, that it shows major weaknesses in areas of nutrition, health, education and literacy, and that it shows great economic vulnerability.  AIDS, lack of political stability, lack of social stability, extensive political corruption, ongoing and widespread conflict, and conditions of extreme poverty all characterize the 49 countries in this category, though Haiti is the ONLY country categorized as fourth world in the western hemisphere. 

We could also tell you about the many areas of Haiti that still have NO churches and entire communities that have NO Christians, or talk about the grip that voodoo, animism and Satanic traditions have in Haiti.

We could even talk to you about how the Haitian people and culture have become close to our hearts.

And while all these things are true, they’re not why.

We’re in Haiti doing what we’re doing because we felt, and have felt clearly each year since, to this day, that God asked us to be. 

This past Sunday we were privileged to hear a man name Rich Nathan preach.  He spoke about God’s will and about how you can know what that is.  Our original calls to preaching and teaching His Word in Haiti were a process that spanned years and included Him revealing Himself and His next steps for us over and over and in so many ways. 

Every summer when we leave Haiti for a few weeks, we commit to searching out His will again, not wanting to be committed to a call of the past, but committed to Christ and what He is saying and doing NOW.  We’ve asked Him to keep calling us, WHEREVER that is, and to help us discern His voice and be ready to obey.

“As you’re praying for His will and seeking His plan for your future,” Nathan shared Sunday, “Don’t forget what He has already made clear to you for now.  Don’t neglect what you know for sure while you’re searching out what you don’t!”

For now, that’s still Haiti, still Emmaus Biblical Seminary.  But if He clearly closed that door and directed us towards ministry in a different country, to inner city New York or the upper class in Idaho or a church or a school or a homeless ministry or to open a Taco Bell ministry (I dunnoJ) or WHATEVER, we pray and trust that He would help us to do just that, just His way in just His time.

Happy Father's Day!

We are both incredibly thankful for our fathers today!

We took Dad and Matt to one of their favorite's...PF Chang's

...and Lily and Sof are very in love with their Daddy, too!

Tonight we head to Dayton to have supper with good friends Martin and Sharon, and then tomorrow morning, try to finalize Sofie's passport preparation.  Tomorrow afternoon we head for Somerset, Pennsylvania to see my grandparents, and then when it's time for the girls bedtime, will get back in the car and make the trip to Delaware to see Matt's family and for a few speaking engagements!

Thank you for your prayers while we travel!

culture

Just like last summer, this time in our "home culture" has proved to be almost more difficult to adjust to than the Haitian culture we have come to know and be a part of.

A lot of the differences one would think would be a big deal never are.  We used to think Haiti was insanely hot.  Now, Matt hasn't taken his jacket off since we hit the runway in Florida.  Matt and I LOVE all the different foods the US has to offer...Lily just wants rice, no matter where we take her to eat.  The roads are great, there's a lot more entertainment available (we've now been introduced to RedBox...how cool is that), and at Meijer's ice cream sale last week, I did indeed buy four gallons of ice cream (which we did not have room for in the freezer...so I am eating them :)

We are so used to not having TV that we haven't watched more than a few hours of it total in over a month (there is some WEIRD stuff on...we don't remember TV being so dumb four years ago!)  Wal-Marts continue to be completely overwhelming, and we're still a bit giddy each time we need something and BAM, can go get it immediately without emailing someone and asking them to send it to us...paying for shipping...paying for customs...waiting three weeks to receive it...driving 30 minutes to pick it up...

But the differences that are actually hard for us simply come down to relationships.  People treat people SO differently here than they do at home!!!

Being a foreigner in Haiti has most often seemed to mean three things to people:  You probably have more money than everyone else, you probably have more education than everyone else, and you probably are some kind of a Christian.  Everywhere you go, you stick out...you are approached...people come over to talk to you.

There is an expectation EVERYWHERE we go that we have so much more than anyone else that we can and should help anyone everywhere with everything.  Though we have no medical training whatsoever, many people in our village come to us for medical help, especially in an emergency.  This holds true of most things, as people come on a daily basis for counsel on everything from spousal abuse to broken motorcycles, church issues to what to do with a newly orphaned child.

But one thing that is always true, among those who know us intimately and those who are seeing us for the first time, EVERY single person you pass says hello.  Most everyone asks about your family, even if they don't know who that is.  Most everyone shares a bit about themselves, and if you even stop for a moment to talk, will gladly hold you in good conversation for as long as you would care to stay, Christians will frequently pray with us or sing with us, even if we just met them, etc.

With no tv, no video games, no stores to rush off to, no after-school activities, no errands to run, no car to care for, no pets to tend to, no day planners to follow, and very few with jobs, people in Haiti are really excited by and passionate about other people...far more than anything else.

Sometimes, the Americans in us can get a bit annoyed by this...it takes 30 minutes to walk one block, you can never just "run over to the office real quick", and at the end of the day when we're exhausted and finally have Lily to bed, a night watchman or friend is always sure to come chat through the window for a while.   Privacy, a highly valued thing in our home culture, is completely unheard of...even rude!

But when we come back to the States, we realize how much we have adapted to these Haitian customs of sociableness and "invasion of privacy" as normal.  People at Meijer continue to look at me blankly when I make eye contact and greet every person in the aisle until I feel downright dumb.  As Matt approaches people in waiting rooms and airports and restaurants to chat, he continues to be baffled by the fact that many are completely uncomfortable or unhappy to have a short conversation with a stranger.

As is culturally appropriate in Haiti, we continue to hold onto a person's hand after shaking it while we have the conversation...NOT a comfortable thing for most strangers we're meeting lately :)  We're kiss-greeting way too many people, and have found ourselves to be quite insulted several times when people don't even ask how we are or don't stop for a moment to listen to the answer and to discuss it, or (gasp) take a moment to pray with us before parting ways.

Even dear Lily has been confounded more than once by other kids blowing past her without talking to her, grabbing her hand and drawing her into the game at hand.

There are so many beautiful things about both cultures, for sure, but we have to admit to feeling much more alone in America than we have ever felt in Haiti!

Whatever weird looks we may be receiving, we've decided to stick with our Haitian tendencies and "invade" on people all the same.  It has been so much easier in Haiti to forget about ourselves and to focus on others, as He asks us to, because that's what EVERYONE is doing as normal.  After a month stateside, with SO much materialism available and such a private culture, we are finding it harder to fight against the temptation to make it all about us!

Keep in the selfless Word with us, keep encouraging one another as a community in Christ and take two seconds today and try to talk to everyone you see :)

33

Let the godly sing for joy to the Lord;

It is fitting for the pure to praise Him.

Praise the Lord with melodies and music

Sing a new song of praise to Him;

For the Word of the Lord holds true,

and we can trust everything he does.

He loves whatever is just and good;

the unfailing love of the Lord fills the earth.

The Lord's plan stands firm forever;

His intentions can never be shaken.

He made our hearts

so He understands everything we do.

Don't count on other things to give you victory--

for all their strength, they cannot save you.

But the Lord watches over those who fear him,

those who rely on His unfailing love.

He rescues them and keeps them.

So we put our hope in the Lord

He is our help and our shield.

In Him our hearts rejoice

For we trust in His holy name.

Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord,

for our hope is in you alone.

friends

Our family is starting to feel like it's always been the four of us!  Sofie is doing well, and we have a few more days to rest here before we hit the road next Monday.  Until then, we are loving more time with family and with good friends like these...

We miss having turkey in Haiti, so last night we had a big turkey "Thanksgiving in June" with the Miller and O'Grady family, who have known us since Lisa and I were Sofie and Lily's age.  

Today Lily chased ducks and geese all over the park, Matt's catching up on his master's and preparing for a few meetings on Wednesday in Kentucky to discuss his Doctoral pursuit, my grandpa is out of the ICU and more stable, and I'm just enjoying some quiet days with my girls!

anniversaries

I will always remember the day I came back to my room my sophomore year of college and told my best friend and room-mate that I thought I wanted to date Matt Ayars.

"Matt AYARS?" She looked at me in disbelief.  "Like, the Matt Ayars you are always fighting with, and always complain about, and you can't stand him, and he can't stand you either?  And remember last week when you said you were never dating again ever and were going to be a single, strong missionary all of your life?"

"Uh, yeah.  That Matt Ayars.  I think I like him now."

Nineteen months later we were married, and today, it's been six years!

What drove me nuts about Matt Ayars and what I have come to greatly value was that he didn't tell me what I wanted to hear and didn't put me first in his life.  He was searching out the Lord, and wanted that for me, as well.  I love being second in Matt's life, and love that to this day, he is still way more interested in our personal relationships with the Lord than with what others think or the pressures of the world.  

It has been a beautiful six years and I am grateful everyday for a truly God-given husband and Godly dad for my girlies!

...AND Miss Sofie has been with us ONE week today!  Hard to believe...time is already flying!  She has slept 6.5 of those 7 days :)  Her one week appointment went great, she's gained some weight and is doing well.

I feel so incredibly blessed.

Grandpa was dehydrated, but it led to some more major issues.  He's still in the ICU and they are trying to get his medication regulated.  He's doing well though and my dad has been there and will be until tomorrow.  Then, my sister will be driving out there for a few day, and Matt and I will be there on the 20th.  Thank you for all your prayers!

Aunt Lisa plans to keep the girls tonight so that Matt and I can go out to dinner.  We also had good friends come and spend the day with us this afternoon (Scott and Lacey), and were able to catch up with good friends yesterday at their pool...Lily LOVES going to "Jenn's House", playing with Erika and Lydia and with their kid goggles, was swimming better than ever.

  

        

Even with Sofie slowing things down a bit for a few days, life continues to move!

This morning Matt left at 5 for a meeting in Indiana with the one of the directors of OMS.  Praying that will be a productive and encouraging meeting for them both!  This afternoon is Sofie's first doctor's appointment, and Uncle Adam is preparing to leave tomorrow morning.

We spoke to many Haiti friends throughout the week...Gertha is happily married and in their new little home.  The staff at Emmaus is doing well, all working in shifts to accept new students and going out to surrounding cities speaking to pastors and in churches about EBS's program.

They have shared with over 300 pastors/groups so far and are recruiting like wild!  It is really a gift for Matt and I to be here, speaking with people about coming alongside of Emmaus, while the rest of our team is in Haiti, speaking with people about Emmaus, too.  God has definitely given us a lot of reasons to be excited about EBS and what He's doing in Haiti through Bible training, ministry and a handful of faithful men and women.

However, we received the concerning news last night that my grandfather in Pennsylvania was found passed out, and while reports so far seem to be varying from dehydration to a heart attack, we still don't know anything for sure.  This morning we're trying to figure out who can get there, when and how, which is proving to be a bit harder now with two little ones, with Adam having a flight out of Columbus at 5 am tomorrow morning, Matt being in meetings, etc.

Please be praying for my grandpa (many of you know him from his years of Saturday Sermons, Bob Lind), my grandma (these are my mom's parents) and for all the family who cares greatly for them both.  Thank you!  will keep you posted...

sofia lovely ayars

Just as Philosophy means "love of wisdom", Sofia means wisdom.  I took Lily from the Hebrew word for Susan, after my mother, and then Matt chose Sofia from the Greek.

She must already know that this is the meaning of her name, because thus far, Sof spends the large majority of her time sleeping and pondering the complicated things in life.  

We searched and searched for a good Haitian middle name for Sofie, always coming down to a word we really loved in Creole but that just didn't sound quite right in English.  

However, Lovely  is not only a rather common Haitian name (several little girls in Saccanville carry it), but more personally it is the name of a little girl in Port-au-Prince that really touched our hearts years ago.  As we were praying about and searching for what His call was on our lives, little Lovely and bringing Jesus to her people contributed to where we are today. 

Plus, you have to admit that she IS Lovely.   

This also means that we have a LSA and a SLA :)

The ONLY time Sofie seems to get upset is when she is cold, and for about 10 seconds max.  She will be very glad to learn that we live in a warm climate 365 days a year...What a gift! 

I love how wrinkly new babies are!

Once again, it's crazy to us how much you can love someone you just met, and that all that love we have for Lily can be had AGAIN for another.  Just wild. 

If nothing else, we are constantly reminded what a gift these girls are!  As with all of His gifts...GOOD, unmerited, undeserved, unimagined and still, thankfully, His!

 and just in case you were thinking like we were that Sofie looks TOTALLY different than Lily...here was Lily at 1 week...  Guess not :)

Sofie's going to join Lily's blog now!